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AGE:
18
LOC: Carrizozo, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 05
LOC: Carrizozo, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 05
My name is Gabriel S. New, I’m the proprietor of the $ilky $mooth $tories blog at www.gabrielsnew.tk . I am here to help and get help, to bask in the collective blaze of a thousand little flames.
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For a moment, what appeared to be a trash bag drifted across the dome of the sky. There was silence, except for a whisper in the breeze, and the valley seemed like a pleasant place to be. Two sparrows flitted after each other in the topmost branches of an aspen. They took turns repelling and appealing to one another, playing at their game of love. That morning, they had watched a woman pass under the grove of trees, and had not seen any living creature since. They were foreign to the valley, ...
Version 1
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Three grapes remained on a silver plate in the corner where a rat now hoisted his porcine body. The plate's edge gave with his weight and the black beads of his eyes followed the grapes across the floor of the cell until they came to rest under the cot where the simulacrum lay motionless. For all the world he appeared to be taking a siesta to settle his gorged stomach, but the black beads held the truth of the matter. The creature quivered and squeaked in pursuit of its meal, leaving a damp p...
Version 1
2 Reviews
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The cat was purring in the hallway. It knew only of itself, for it was blind. A large stew simmered on the stove and the air was filled with warmth. Crucifia walked below in the empty street, on her way to the butchery to supplement the stew. The celestial light had been filtered through a lens of blue-black, and an army of confetti lay dead on the pavement. No celebration had taken place but in the dreamy mind of a girl who lived on the twelfth floor. She had retreated from her usual post at...
Version 1
2 Reviews
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"I don't care what it says on the label, just as long as it tastes right." The one at the bar showed a carious mouth to his victim. He had learned to look away when he smiled, because as surely as he did the smile would drop from his victim's face. His mouth was a charnel house, a morbid burial ground for health. One day he would win the lottery, and he would have all of them replaced. He stretched his lips back over his teeth and looked into the mirror that flowed across the wall behind the ...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
"I don't care what it says on the label, just as long as it tastes right." The one at the bar showed a carious mouth to his victim. He had learned to look away when he smiled, because as surely as he did the smile would drop from his victim's face. His mouth was a charnel house, a morbid burial ground for health. One day he would win the lottery, and he would have all of them replaced. He stretched his lips back over his teeth and looked into the mirror that flowed across the wall behind the ...
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You mentioned that you want corrections pointed out, so- "The empty of bottle tequila" After the ex-girlfriend's car crash is described- "This is the kind of thing that lands like a plane with no wings."-I like this, but you might need a little more explanation of why the man feels this way. "He knew and I don’t have trouble sleeping it’s the only peace I can find." Might need a little clarification as a sentence. "My dreams are pleasant almost always" this might need to be reversed. "Althoug...
I think it's a very sweet song, but then I don't know what beat/music it goes with so I'm just using my imagination. But I feel where you're coming from with the cruising. The only part I don't understand is the "our cell phones ring like we are a resident."
It's like this, cat. You probably know this and it's just tucked within the folds of your undying sarcasm, but I'm not "attacking you" on anything. Critique is what's left when the compliments have fluttered away to somebody elses party, and only the real work is left behind. This is all meant only to help you, and if you're like me, you'll discount it without giving it a second thought because it isn't all praise. Se la vie. It's really a great piece of writing, but a few things: After readi...
Ok, this should all be viewed as constructive (which, judging from your piece, is part of your technique.) To begin with, you have some good points. However, the delivery of information and the piece in general are rather disorganized. In an ordinary self help/personal power sort of book, there will be an introduction which is longer and more detailed than your own, and then the following chapters will begin to explain steps/methods/options which will help the reader achieve what the introduc...
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