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galaimo's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 23
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 23
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Version 1
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out of breath falling onto the sand tears welling in his eyes sorrow rolling through him far behind his enemies no longer his friends he left them in the jungle his nightmare disguised he longs for memories he never knew the flash of steel the cry of death memory returns for the gentle past his heart burns long ago his mothers laugh a faint echo in the fields they made promises so many promises tomorrow a better day to fight the only way they believed they overthrew they came so close new lea...
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Writing about writing and how difficult and tough it can be. You describe the wonderment, is it ever going to be read, does it really matter what is written, who is going to read it, will that even matter? All that emotion of intense self evaluation is captured in the opening. You then swerve into the now, recording some real thoughts. It is like being in your head reading your thoughts and emotions while you are writing. Draws the reader in, keeps them there and makes you wonder what thought...
The images, the scene and the struggle to see life through another's eyes are very well written. The drive to reach out and understand another human being or an animal using our own reasoning is a classic struggle all of us have been through at one time or in one form or another. This is a story addresses the common curiosity that makes us human and it is very enjoyable to read.
I keep wondering what happened. From the opening sentence it seemed as though your relationship had been wrecked by gossip yet there is nothing in here to indicate how. I think you are successful in bringing the reader deep into the intimate lattice work of your heart and your desires. You leave the reader wondering what happened? Did this relationship ever bloom into something more? Makes a person want to read more of your writing just to find out.
Well I tell you, this is a great piece, well written, very visual and conveys a great deal of emotion very clearly. I cannot add any constructive criticism because I simply do not have any. Please keep writing, you have talent that should be further developed.
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