galcm's profile

I think this is a personal thing rather than a dislike of your writing. Your style is very good and very accomplished. However this just didn't have any humour that tickled me. I think it's just a cultural gap and personailty difference. The influence of main stream satire is very evident in your work and would no doubt work for another reader (maybe an American....Im British)

I found this very interesting and satisfying to read. It's a bit Hunter Thompson, a bit Kerouac which is great. Nice post modern style and I like the psychological emphasis. It is written in a mundane style which contrasts nicely with the obscure content.

The use of enjambment is succesful. Juxtaposed opposites work well. However I find that the continuation from 'Blackened lungs' to 'lead' works beautifully in terms of style, (having a rolling, momentum effect) but stutters a little in terms of reader comprehension. For me this little 'stutter' is caused by the use of 'reverie' and 'dream' - synonymous words. Sounds like a negative review, but overall I find the piece very successful (a tautological phrase I know).