garfocus's profile

Interesting. I think this is a well written piece. It was interesting how you varied the length of the stanzas and staggered your rhymes. You could experience the dance of the interraction as you read this poem. I like the mechanisms of repetitions toward the end as the dance got long and the crowd was ready to leave. Great job.

Great work. What an excellent metaphor for the pressures that go with raising our own little machines. I thought the rhyme scheme was very interesting and I enjoyed the rhythmic flow. There was a "clink" and "plink" quality that made the rhythm match the subject matter. Your variety and range continue to be excellent. Keep up the good work.

I certainly have respect for what you have apparently gone through. When I read your notes, I was concerned that I was going to find the story difficult to read, as a person who is far from those experiences, but I found it somewhat interesting. However, these are some horrible seeming lives. I don't know if your intention is to make the characters completely degraded and hopeless, but that was how it read from my perspective. I have never been a big fan of homosexual literature, not because ...