gator326's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
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Items
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Claiming that God is found in one holy book Is the act of a selfish, closed-minded crook. For what our God taught Would all be for naught If we fail to see Him wherever we look.
Version 2
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Did God design our struggle with greed? Create the cancer of want over need? For clearly free will Is no magic pill That cures us of this as we breed. 2nd Version: Did God create our struggle with greed? Craft the cancer of want versus need? For clearly free will Is no magic pill Meant to cure this disease when we breed.
Version 1
25 Reviews
12 Comments
Did God design our struggle with greed? Create the cancer of want over need? For clearly free will Is no magic pill That cures us of this as we breed.
Version 1
10 Reviews
8 Comments
Some believe just because princesses are pretty They deserve special treatment and people’s respect. But the life of a princess is often gritty, Full of suffering, their lives very nearly wrecked. Ignorant crowds will judge and jealous hags curse you; I’m sure Aurora, Belle, and Snow White would agree. Bitter biddies will gossip, shallow suitors woo, Like those Cinderella and Ariel did flee. A true princess not only possesses beauty But prizes her virtues and always stays humble. She is true ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
It is said the burden is light; Not true. It is said the way is clear; Not true. It is said death is dead; Not true. The yoke is crippling, The way dimly lit, and My end quite real. But the grace that gets whispered in my ear Eases, Guides, Abides. It is enough, Though it leaves me wanting more.
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Reviews
I like the concept you have here. How about rewording just a bit...maybe, "Chiseling away at never-could've-beens." Just a thought. It's clear the way it is, but I think putting "away" after chiseling is even more clear. Good luck.
I like the theme of the poem, and I think it deserves a bit of fine tuning... For example....Bush is floating back from where? why on a raft? As oil gets higher...I know you mean the price of oil, but it might be too vague... He'll sing with the choir? You mean holier than thou? The repetition of He'll in lines 4 and 5 is distracting. All that said, I like what you've got going...with some rewriting you've got a witty, memorable, pointed limerick!
Maybe I'm missing something, but "Heavens for fend!" makes no sense to me. Is it a typo? or a phrase I am not familiar with? I like the way you stick to the rhythmic structure of a limerick... I have to say, I don't quite get the point...that you grew when smoking is supposed to stunt growth? Is there a sense of defiance or being naughty? I think you need to be more clear in the central idea. Good first draft.
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