While I am not a die-hard sci-fi fan, I found this chapter interesting. I'm genuinely curious as to what will happen next. I got a little lost in all the fumes, computer monitor stuff. Maybe that could be trimmed or made a little clearer. I guess the first chapter explains who the Grennel are. On page 1, line 1, you repeat the word "small" when describing the girl. You might find another word. At times I get the feeling there is too much effort being placed on describing, and not enough on ch...

I find the invitations in this poem intriguing. It held my interest, but I think it could use some editing/fixing up. Some suggestions: Stanza 1: you repeat "away". I think you could drop the first one. Stanza 2: how about "play in my..." instead of "into" Stanza 8: who is the "their" you refer to? WHile I like the overall mood, I'm not sure I understand what is being asked...death? isolation? Keep working...I think you have something powerful in the works.

Great job. I like the twists in stanzas 2 and 3, and the focus on the yet to be. The last stanza (esp. the last line) are awesome! Powerful in its brevity.

I enjoyed the poem overall. Love your rhyme scheme. I especially liked the conclusions/confusions lines. While I like the way you contrast the views of science/common sense, I would have liked more examples hashed out. Science's view vs. common sense. Which wive's tales? what advice? I was intrigued by these ideas, but wanted more specifics. Great style. Well thought out.

My first reaction is one of "before and after", with line 3 as transition. I like the mystery behind this poem. Why restless and in need of comfort in the beginning? Two possibilities came to mind. The person is nervous/unsure as to how a possible love interest will respond. Yet that doesn't quite match with "I kiss your sweaty brow, twice." Perhaps the person is nervous because a loved one is in danger? Whatever the situation, i love your imagery. "Twice" at the end is powerful. It signals i...

I like the humorous tone. Take another look at the syllables in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines...they should be the same, or at least closer...You have 9/12/10. The last line is priceless. Maybe you could edit the others to match the 10 syllables found in line 5. Great first draft.

I like the central concept, but I think you need a bit more focus. If money is being pulled from everywhere, why can't you save? The religious imagery seems abrupt after the first two lines, but I like it. I would suggest trying to incorporate it from the beginning. Great first draft.

Maybe I'm missing something, but "Heavens for fend!" makes no sense to me. Is it a typo? or a phrase I am not familiar with? I like the way you stick to the rhythmic structure of a limerick... I have to say, I don't quite get the point...that you grew when smoking is supposed to stunt growth? Is there a sense of defiance or being naughty? I think you need to be more clear in the central idea. Good first draft.

I like the theme of the poem, and I think it deserves a bit of fine tuning... For example....Bush is floating back from where? why on a raft? As oil gets higher...I know you mean the price of oil, but it might be too vague... He'll sing with the choir? You mean holier than thou? The repetition of He'll in lines 4 and 5 is distracting. All that said, I like what you've got going...with some rewriting you've got a witty, memorable, pointed limerick!

I like the concept you have here. How about rewording just a bit...maybe, "Chiseling away at never-could've-beens." Just a thought. It's clear the way it is, but I think putting "away" after chiseling is even more clear. Good luck.