gbaurbis's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: Neenah, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 01
LOC: Neenah, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 01
Poetry, short fiction, flash fiction
many of these poems/stories were from older accounts I closed. My bad. Won’t do that again.
Won several scholarships for writing.
Edited several small newspapers, chapbooks, literary journals.
any time for discussion of our work
Blessings, Gregory
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I cradled my eighty-five year old mother, her head a fallen robin's nest, blue eyes bulged like chicks yet to be born. She diedin the back of the yard beneath the clothesline. I ran from window, the dishes, across the patio, but her body hit the summer ground like ten pounds of bird seed. She weighed a feather light as a nuthatch upside down on the telephone pole. Mother had enough, a squirrel giving up on the tin pans around the feeders. She fell and I covered her with sweater. A gray wiry ...
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excellent alliteration smile, stubborn, invisible bubblegum bursting stanza break after joy delete from delete "with" Change to "Joy is deep ..." delete "of" "you hold a circus ..." lip synching end with "...would be death." No need for last sentence. Pollyannna, below the soil, reference to tape player, works well.
Just want to focus on a couple really good lines from out of a mile: mostly a male face, could be female, but I think of a handsome male hiking across a farm field to meet you the bird I saw was a red tail hawk capturing a wind going higher this poem has a lot of promise if you could be more specific bravo, Gregory
ok I listened to Chris Walla of Death Cab for Cutie but am more interested in your writing. maybe, impossible to chuck at Easter I like your long lines and stanzas maybe, "a sensation created ..." Impressions quickly fade now... You have problems keeping correct tense and past tense, for example, "I whispered ...", and "...backwards molasses turned to tell..." This poem would work best if it was all past tense. You have something exciting going on here. Bravo. Gregory
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