gelatinstein's profile

The word choice of "wisps" is confusing if the word is engulfed by it so heavily. "Is such fear ..." which fear? Is "the want for a better life" really a fear? These things are subjective, but they are my reactions to reading it. "Where is the dream?" Is not a dream a symbol for disillusionment? Why dream, why be complacent, when one can live with a clear mind? The semi-colon after "message" in the second to last line doesn't work; replace it with a colon. The end message is good, but "hope y...

The flow is great and the story quite cute. The only problems I have with it: * "Surely I’ll give him a serious talking -too- to." * I don't think that many bees fly straight! * The flow seems a bit weak here: "pieces of parsnips and even half-eaten potato chips."

Funny and great rhyming. Also, definitely a good message for children: don't get your dog hooked on food of humans!

Very imaginative! Children will love it, and so do I. I like the idea of such a creature in the woods. The rhyming and flow is great. I can't say I see anything wrong with it, maybe just that if it were to have illustrations that the pages be further broken up.

For what genre of music is this? I assume that the lyrics within parenthesis are meant to be spoken more softly? That part is interesting. It certainly is an emotional song, and that is important. The line "make you fingertips leave marks" seemed a bit.. "unpoetic". Something like "dig your fingers into my [or the] skin". An interesting theme..