gemglitter's profile

Comments: I like this poem. I don't usually like rhyming poems, but this had a unique flow to it. I like that this poem was simple, it really added to the poem. Another thing I really like was how you worded the questions. The rhyme and the distinct feeling of almost despair for the answer was really felt. Suggestions: It took a few reads to really get a sense of the poem...which you sometimes need to do for all poems. Here are some lines that threw me off. I feel you and you I--- What do you...

Comments: Good start. It really drew me in. I like how you ended it. Even though the character doesn't say or do much, the tone and his "mute"ness to what is going on tells a lot about him. My favorite description : he wind came up off the desert and frayed wires of lightening stood again and again along the west of the world. Suggestions: There are some major grammar issues. Being that this is prob a rough draft, no need to worry much about it. I'm sure in a reread you'll catch it. Your line...

Comments: Your imagery is very strong! I love some of the images you have, like the contrast of the castle and the desert. You also do a very good job with your line breaks and stanza. This made the poem flow very well. Like I said, I like the contrasts that you have. Suggestions: Some of this borders on clinche. For instance your first stanza is completely cliche except for the last line which was extremely powerful. The most cliche line of your hole piece, for me, is: Awed by the beauty of ...

Comments: I love photography, and this piece really embodies it. All your details about a picture and that split second moment were true. Your descriptions were superb. I love how you took the time to describe the initial surroundings, and then the photograph surroundings. Really does a good job contrasting. Here are my fave lines!: What are photographs but echoes of the past?--Never thought about that and great provoking first line. certain nakedness about her that is rarely seen in life---l...

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