georGIA's profile

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AGE: 19
LOC: San Antonio, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 08

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Short Story / The Pony
Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
A little girl was sitting backwards in a wingbacked chair. Her head was rested in her hands. She had large, green eyes and curly bangs. She was peering through her bangs through the blinds at the rain. It had been raining for an hour. “Five-eleventy, six-eleventy, eight-eleventy,” the little girl counted loudly. The little girl’s mother walked into the living room. She carried a basket of laundry towards the sofa. “Honey, don’t sit in the chair that way. You’ll ruin the cushioning.” “Twelve b...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
there are many things in the world that have branches: trees have branches and the government has branches branches make me smile because they’re funny I like to stretch my arms out like branches maybe I’ll be the first tree superhero and fly off buildings but my momma says it’s too dangerous for little girls to pretend to fly “they let you run around like this at school?” she says I like to stretch my arms out like branches maybe I’ll be the next president and then I can be a real branch and...
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Short Story / The Deer
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Mat pulled his pick-up truck onto the shoulder of the road, the rhythmic sound of the windshield wipers more like pounding inside of his head. He cursed, slapping the steering wheel with his fist. The pine tree air freshener swung from the rearview mirror, disturbed. Thoughts flew through his head. "Mat, the officer stopped me again at the grocery store," Lynn had nagged that morning, not bothering to look up from the dishes. "If only you would fix the headlights, I could get through the day....
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Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
My papa was born black a darkie, a nigger, a coon but if he is lucky he will die a Man tiredyes but Lord, O Lord a Man
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Haiku/Senryu / rain/storm
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Two, rapt in a kiss, lie palm to palm under dark skies. A jolt, lightning. Swelling from mists to floods, god’s tears feed Earth; They humor in a puddle. Thunder and lightning waltz to the beat, as blithe as They: pure fleeting youth.
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Haiku/Senryu / Bats
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Haiku/Senryu / Five New Haiku & Senryu
i guess the only thing that has me jilted is the absence of articles. and that haiku one, three, and five have too many syllables. on number 2, which I love a lot, it would just be better with "a" or "the" or something. you can manage it if you just adjust some words. Instead of "underneath dog waits," you could say, "below" or "beneath." then you could say "the dog" instead of just dog. also everything seems to have a summer theme, except the first. So if you present them together that can ...
Poetry / Golden Years
I think you mean "concious" which is like alive, and not "conscience" which is like the little cricket in Pinocchio. Anyhoo, personally I think it is too word heavy. I think of autumn and the leaves are flowing off the trees and there is a carpet of crunchiness on the ground. Everything sounds like "swish". Your meaning is good and clear (pretty much what you expect from a poem about a season) but the poem itself is so verbose, it sounds like an anvil falling instead of leaves. I suggest read...
Young Adult / Endings
I pray that you take little offense to what I'm about to say. But it's poems like this one that make it really hard for seventeen year old writers like me to be taken seriously. Even if it is a "really rough draft," why? Why even write about it? The whole goth-emo-"slashing my wrists because I hate my life" theme just adds to the stereotype that teenagers are an angst-ridden nothing generation. Why can't you channel this angry energy into some different form of poetry? What frustrates me the ...
I like how your random thoughts about dreams ended up under the pile of limericks I was reading through. It's cool, I liked the break. Well like the saying goes, "Keep dreaming and you will not wake up..." wait that's not how the saying goes. Nevermind, it doesn't matter, you get the idea. ~gee
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