My Dad noticed that it didn’t seem like I wasn’t “bouncing back”. - Notice the typo, double negative, actually I noticed because it read funny. Read it aloud. I've suffered depression on and off most of my life. Your description of it is perfect. And I really think it people who haven't been through it will understand. I told him he (and Dr Morrison) could go to hell, and - suggest: I told him and Dr. Morrison to go to hell, and (It reads easier.) I pointed out some of the typos and things ab...

picked the couch to dog liked, - typo the couch the dog liked (I assume) Said you have a mouth like a sewer, but he’s never gotten so much as a whiff of a suspicion of drugs from you since he’s known you, which has been since he caught you driving without a license, some years back. - This sentence feels long read it aloud, I suggest you reword or break apart. (Just a suggestion.) It is interesting and holds my attention. I would like a few more emotions in it, but that is me. I don't get a f...

But it remains death circling me. - But it remains like death circling me. Your grammar is poor but you knew that...Most of it is simple stuff. I could point it all out to you but that would take too many credits for you to open. I like the story. The twist at the end is good. It could use a little beefing up in a few places but other than that it is very good. I would like to have a name for the main character, personal thing though not a needed. The description you have is good but it needs...

I like the feel of it. The emotions come through clearly. It may need a little more polish in a few places... The last verse that starts "I know you are happy now..." I understand the verse but it has a different feel flow wise than the rest. It may need to be reworded... It could be me. I like this overall and think it's got potential.

The stairs that went from the basement to the first floor had a trap door built into the floor over the opening at the top so after the first couple of steps you were hitting your head on it unless you opened it first. It was a way of keeping the cold air from the basement out of the first floor warehouse where the candy, cigarettes, gum and nuts were stored for the vending machines my mom owned. -- I'd split these apart. It seems to take for ever to read two long sentences in a row. And try ...

A few name tags would be nice in the long dialouge it gets a little muttled, for me at least. Natalia stands quietly while the orderly finishes ”Nothing… No, I’m sorry. Do you have anything to write with?” Nadine leaves the room and you notice the guard eyeing her, particularly her breasts. Is this two different women if so I'd change one of their names, if not you have a typo. It is very interesting and engaging. I would suggest reading it aloud, there are a few places that the flow feels st...

I didn’t ask what you answered. I trust that it was just you way of dealing with a guilty conscience. - Suggest- Since you answer didn't fit the question, I trust that it is your way of dealing with a guilty conscience. = It reads smoother and says the same thing. it is time **that that** you reap the fruit of that labor and sacrifice and have a family. I am so happy for the two of you.” - Typo that that.... At this everyone lowered their eyes. A few “I am sorry.” could be heard. - Suggest: A...

The thing is, if you did my job you’d dream too – and I don’t mean about a 28 year-old Mask of Zorro Catherine-Zeta Jones and a jar of Nutella chocolate spread. Plus, if you’d endured the QA Manager’s suffering for the past 19 years and 364 days you’d definitely have the horrific nightmares splattered with zombies and vampires and chartered accountants. - very long sentence, why not split it apart. You have a few more long sentences through out. But over all I think you have a good plot idea ...

Her mother died. Her mother had died and now she was on a plane headed - um redundant. I think you did it on purpose but it would be better if you did it a little different. Suggestion - Her mother died. Squriming in the uncomfortable plane seat wanting to think about anything else. But her mother died and now..... Just a suggestion. I like the piece over all but it's a bit wordy and telly. The story is good but it gets a little bogged down in parts. Basically it just needs a little polishing...