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girl_alice's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
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Items
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
When there are other boys around, You're a dog, And I'm a tree in your territory, And your kissing Is pissing all over me.
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
When there are other boys around You're a dog and I'm a tree in your territory, And your kissing is pissing all over me.
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
in the hand of a stranger there's a bird that gets crushed there's a warmth that gives comfort until the breathing cuts off there's a humid secureness there's a pressure that holds but the bird's bones are hollow and the feathers aren't armor and the palm is unyielding and feels nearly unfeeling and she stretches for breath and she flexes her wings but that sturdy warm hand that seemed so safe a seat is the firm hand that cages and makes birds into meat.
Version 1
2 Reviews
6 Comments
It’s hunger It’s ‘I want you now And don’t ask questions’ Just put your mouth on mine Just open your lips Let me taste your tongue It’s a need It’s needy I’m knee deep in the bog There are bodies floating In the green glow of the moon Boys that I’ve been through That have been through me Their sickly sweet scent Makes my lips curl in a knowing grin They met my greed with greed Both snatching, both taking We weren’t concerned with tomorrow And we still aren’t. I heard of the lakes Where the wa...
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"The year, barely twenty," pulls me out. Is it the year 1920 (I'm thinking not)?, so it must be the girl who is twenty, but your sentence structure here obscures that--there's a dangling clause (i think that's what it's called). Perhaps try: "That year she was barely twenty when she and friends . . . ." Nice phrase: "nineteen and nowhere to be but in love" Also, nice detail: "the scent of some boy on my breath" The bit about the ally isn't enough--maybe at least give a few words about who thi...
I'm pretty confused about the subject. Hip replacement? Limb replacement? Lumbering/remembering/forgetting is a nice stanza. It looks like a person has been made a cow--has become stupid, perhaps lazy, uninterested, unmotivated. I'm gathering all this only from the last stanza--the bit: though now a cow/you survived the operating theatre, has a bitter tone. But I could just be way, way off.
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