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gkm32's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 04
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 04
My homepage: http://msk503.googlepages.com/home
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Version 4
2 Reviews
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1 “Why did you choose our company as opposed to others?” The woman seemed serious. ‘Because I didn't?’ thought Arthur. ‘What kind of a person picks the companies he applies to?’ A few weeks earlier he sent out resumes to every New York insurance firm he'd ever heard of. This was the first one that replied. Was she expecting a sob story about how the Dollar Group saved his life? “The Dollar Group is one of the nation's largest and most respected providers of financial services,” he heard hims...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
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1 “Why did you choose our company as opposed to others?” The woman seemed serious. ‘Because I didn't?’ thought Arthur. ‘What kind of a person picks the companies he applies to?’ A few weeks earlier he sent out resumes to every New York insurance firm he'd ever heard of. This was the first one that replied. Was she expecting a sob story about how the Dollar Group saved his life? “The Dollar Group is one of the nation's largest and most respected providers of financial services,” he heard hims...
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Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
1 “Why did you choose our company as opposed to others?” The woman seemed serious. ‘Because I didn't?’ thought Arthur. ‘What kind of a person picks the companies he applies to?’ A few weeks earlier he sent out resumes to every New York insurance firm he'd ever heard of. This was the first one that replied. Was she expecting a sob story about how the Dollar Group saved his life? “The Dollar Group is one of the nation's largest and most respected providers of financial services,” he heard hims...
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Version 1
11 Reviews
1 Comment
1 “Why did you choose our company as opposed to others?” The woman seemed serious. ‘Because I didn't?’ thought Arthur. What kind of a person picks the companies he applies to? A few weeks earlier he sent out resumes to every New York insurance firm he's ever heard of. This was the first one that replied. Was she expecting a sob story about how the Dollar Group saved his life? “The Dollar Group is one of the nation's largest and most respected providers of financial services,” he heard himsel...
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I did feel intrigued by the end of the chapter. Who's Harry, what will happen to the protagonist - I WAS curious about that at the end. Below are some grammatical suggestions, mostly minor: "I went to my parent’s Rhode Island home for Christmas." Did you mean "parents'"? "...plastic soldiers my nephew had hidden among the garland..." "Garlands" would have sounded better. "I countered his one eyed stare." I would have put a hyphen between "one" and "eyed". "...and half open boxes..." Again, I ...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
I liked the attitude and the vividness of the imagery. "You’re the last girl I’ll forget/ in this dark and stormy head." I think those two lines came out well.
I liked it. I thought it was funny and well-written.
I'm sorry, but the style seemed much too flowery and over-the-top to me. I'm sure others would like it though. A couple of grammatical suggestions: "I think the one’s who know I love them..." There should have been no apostrophe in "ones". "...from a self made myth..." I would have put a hyphen between "self" and "made".
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