gmemi's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 11
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 11
Poet. Mild activist. Snob.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Hogtied That's what she said After meeting the guy on Saturday She was getting smacked and tied to the wall On Sunday Nervous She backed down politely To the full behind-the-back cuff But not after trying to get a good feel For style points Excited She kind of liked it And said she would do it again With someone she trusted a little bit more Than him Repeat He was beautiful But did she have what he sought She wondered how wise a second date would be This week Stranger He was ultimately strang...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Oh, Mystery Poo The annals of toiletry Shall know you better
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Last night It was social oblongations We sat in an ellipse Ten people in five converstellations Outside noise dictating The parameters of our inclusions When one discussion ended A turn to the left or right Could push an entirely different shape Rounding edges and bashing angles But for the most parts Margarita conversternation Is polite converse action So topics with deep tropics Are usually voided Someone fell in the greenery Which is always a hoot The bathroom line was too long And an info...
Version 4
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Tanner says he'll marry Alana In every which way They're like mittens Stitched from the same damn thread Not knowing where the start or end is They live in Chicago Or just outside Tanner says Lisle is a shit hole But his dad still wishes he was from there Alana is both Cuban and Italian Which is an excellent combination If you like to eat And make love And maybe fight now and again They say all those things can be good for you Happiness is not like coal Where you refine it Extract what you ne...
Version 3
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Tanner says he'll marry Alana In every which way They're like mittens Stitched from the same damn thread Not knowing where the start or end is They live in Chicago Or just outside Tanner says Lysle is a shit hole But his dad still wishes he was from there Alana is both Cuban and Italian Which is an excellent combination If you like to eat And make love And maybe fight now and again They say all those things can be good for you Happiness is not like coal Where you refine it Extract what you ne...
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Reviews
Nice and precise. The vestiged faults were clearly understood. The mood of the poem is stark, but not distractingly so. Good job.
Well done. Probably the most promising grasp of story I have read in the Flash Fiction genre on this site. I certainly think that you should form a collection of musings, if they are all this good. I will check up on more of your tinkerings since this one was such a nice surprise. I enjoyed the development of character, build up, and choice of subject. Thanks.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I appreciate where you are coming from. My only question is in regard to the capitalization. I understand GREEN and BREAD; and even GOD, because it's on the US dollar; but I don't understand the capitalization of ROCKING THE BOAT. If there were some clarity, it would work into the piece and clear up the continuity issue. Otherwise, I think you get your point across.
I truly enjoyed this piece and the first stanza is really nice. It reads well and is quite funny; even if that was not the intent. The rest of the poem takes on a different tone and, while I enjoyed the fist stanza in a different way than the rest, it moves with purpose and ends with a beautiful tone.
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