I love you too. But no. You should pray for a gardener instead--praying for rakes only leads to yardwork. ;)

I agree with the sentiment...not quite profound enough to remember verbatim, but the idea is likely to stick around.

Sarah stormed off to the bathroom, “Fine. -- Period after 'bathroom' Use of 'one' instead of 'you' or something else--sound pretentious...don't force it. A bit more show, a little less tell. Describe what's going on, how that makes Josh feel...instead of telling us what they're saying. Or at least describe their tones and their expressions/body language more. It worked well in the first paragraph. Arrival at the party--sounds contrived, strained...would be more realistic if she's shown waitin...

Defuse a bomb. Diffuse sadness. Try reworking this into a poem. The way it's written here doesn't do it justice, I don't think. If you feel it must be a story, don't tell us each and every thing. Describe. Use detail. Tell us what's going on. When you say things like 'Me, I thought' or 'Me I said'...it just doesn't read well. Keep working on this one.

Try restructuring your sentences a bit. A bit hard to tell which stanza is which because of the way it's set up, but I like the idea you have going here. Perhaps try using the length of the poem to create a shape with your words? I'm willing to bet if you'll read this one aloud (or better, have someone read it to you) you'll be able to hear the stumbling phrases. Best of luck!

Great point. I don't quite get the face shop/cheese thing...but it's probably something brilliant and I, being an idiot, missed it. Even if the details of the story were somewhat lost on me, I like the end result.

I can smell the honeysuckle from here...very nice. Now I need to go make some muffins. Strawberry? Blueberry? Who knows, maybe both. :)

Love the idea, would have liked there to be more. What does he do? Who does he kill off? Perhaps something along the lines of Scary Movie? That would be fun. Oh, that's been kinda done, I think, in cartoons....but not really. Would be something different.

Been there, done that. Very Hemingway.

First paragraph: Try using synonyms for 'label.' Break down the stereotype (explain what stigmas are attached to being Chicano in Chicago)...you might use terms like 'hispanic' and 'latino' as well, since some people may not know what a 'Chicano' is. In my language studies, for example, 'Chicano' is the name of a dialect of English, not a group of people. A suggestion: evaluate whether or not each use of 'that' is needed. Often, it isn't. (I count about 30 in this piece.) Watch for run on sen...