In the second paragraph, sentence probably should say, "as his shadow stretched across the wall...". You're uniting a sentence as a clause with two separate subjects. After him, drop the comma and put "and". Fourth paragraph, The stood, motionless. They heard the scream..." Should be two separate sentences. Remove comma after shoes. Also, a semi-colon after Donegal or start next as new sentence. Seventh paragraph, comma after afternoon. What is the it being referred to by Father O'Brien in th...

Tenth paragraph, comma after really lucky. Eleventh para--Chase is spelled chaise. Twenty-first para-- period after conversation. Usually starts new sentence. You can join that sentence and the next with a comma. Twenty-third, comma after 'So'. Indent the twenty-fifth paragraph. Thirtieth para-- comma between you and too. Last paragraph, might want to revise the second part of the third paragraph to something like, "a second life of which she was not a part". Also might want to substitute tak...

Interesting concept. I believe I see where you are going, but I'm not sure if I understand the whole of your argument. I believe you are positing that if you subtract the universe and everything in it, all you will have left is God. Therefore, God must exist because without Him nothing else would exist since everyting that is has to have come from something. If I'm right, you might want to try using simpler words and concepts than 'magnitude'. If I'm wrong, you can disregard everything I've s...

Second paragraph, passers by should be one word. Fourteenth paragraph, “than night” should be “that night”. Indent paragraph six, section II Section II, thirty-seventh paragraph, She should not be capitalized. Indent 39th paragraph Very good story. Kept my attention. Can’t wait for the rest.

How I came to be here and why are questions that I have asked myself a thousand times, as apart from the broken and fragmented dreams that terrorize my sleep I can remember little of who I am and how I came here before I awoke atop a grass covered hill a week ago.-- You need to shorten this sentence. It stretches across three lines. I started following a stream that was nearby the place I awoke, three days ago I saw smoke on the horizon from what I can only hope is a camp fire, this is a long...

Very interesting. I don't know where you were going with this, if anywhere. Were you going to make him superhuman? With a little retooling, you could have a good story on your hands.