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gracelaurence's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Stanford, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 15
LOC: Stanford, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 15
I’m 20 and from ky. What better way to start my profile than with the basics? I love to write, but I find that very few people will read anything here (in ky) if it is too long (which is how my stories are when I want opinions) The only people that have read my stories are related to me or my friends so I wanted outside input…Hince my new account with urbis. I’m looking forward to getting reviews as well as giving them.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Fire and brimstone rained upon the ground burning away at the island pushing it beneath the sea in an eerie silence of eternal sleep. Closing his eyes against the pain clawing at his chest Orion stood among the five, a muscle in his jaw ticking away the seconds as his silver eyes glowed gold in the darkness. His muscled arms and chest straining at the effort his power demanded. His once proud council lay at his feet pale silk skirts in disarray, their skin ghostly pale, their eyes closed in ...
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“And my boyfriend is waiting at the party as well, so I would expect he is awaiting with Mortimer as well.” I don't think they refered to men as boyfriends then. to make it more true to the time period try antoher word. Maybe... My latest beau...or something like that. “Everyone will be waiting for the announcement Savannah,” Lucille explained. “I do hope Mortimer proposes one day. I wished I would be the next to wed after you Aurora, but alas I was not.” This part confused me. If mortimer is...
It was very action packed but it could use just a little work. When The light changed the car behind Sydney sped past her, when you put the insertion in you have the car following them agian. If I car had hit them and Sydney had seen me, typo? It kinda threw me for a sec so maybe look a bit closer and find such mistakes. Perhaps you could give a motive for the stalking at during the insertion to make it seem a bit more logical. Over all it was an interesting story. Good luck.
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very well written. It kept me reading. Who exactly are mert and gert? Imaginary friends or something else? Is there going to be a connection between the broken little male "play Purty" and the dead mr. Dodd? I really liked it. KEEP WRITTING.
WOW!!! I don't read non fiction as a rule, but I would willingly read yours again. It was very well written and it kept me reading. It tugged at emotions and took me to the place you were painting. good job. In reveling maybe you will find peace.
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first off I like what you have going. the relationship between your characters is well developed and feels very real. The only problem I had was that the beginning was kinda of hard to get into. It was more of a telling than a showing which is what makes better reads. Perhaps if you were to describe the people around you more and slow things down to let your reader have a chance to get into it more before you start the party scence. I hope Cheri and Frank get things together...
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