Your story is very interesting. I think writing in first person is what you should continue. Is a short story what you are planning, or something more like a book? My only advice is to give a little more of a timeline to the story. I know you state you are trying to keep track of time by counting the food jars eaten, but perhaps some way of marking on the stone with the knife after waking each day so that the reader can actually see how long you are in these conditions and connect with the de...

You are very good at writing dialogue. I would like to see some more descriptive information about the people involved and more about the surroundings. The story is very interesting and I would read more of it. You mention werewolves but don't say much about them. Perhaps that has happened in previous chapters. For scifi and fantasy there are only a few tidbits of mention. Again, probably more has been written in past chapters. Your spelling is good and I only noticed a couple of dropped word...

I was happy to see another chapter of your book in my list for me to read. You are very good at writing dialogue. The back and forth between the characters is very believable and easy to follow. The only negative I can say is that I found Sandik's anger ending a little too quickly. I know the attraction to Kami is still there for him, but I think he would have a hard time admitting that so quickly and letting go the anger....perhaps some resentment should still be evident for a little longer....

First of all, I would like to see this in a more structured compilation. Not just sentences, but full paragraphs. Spell check is really needed. Many mis-spellings and some dropped words. Starting sentences...so many times...with "So" is very distracting to the story, also. Some emotion is really needed in the people involved in this missing daughter case. You really need to flesh out the characters and not speed through the years so quickly. Your basis for the story...a missing twin teen...is...

I really liked this little story! It made me smile. You gave a very good picture of what happened that day and I could pretty much picture it happening. The only negative I could see were a few spelling errors...hide for hid...step for steep...throw for threw. I enjoyed reading this very much. Great memory for you!

This is a very sad story. I take it that this is something that really happened to your family. I would like to see some more editing of the grammar and sentence structure. An example.... "he had come closer to old age then any 24yr old needed to come." ...then should be than... "the blue-ness left her body and anger jumped-started" ...I don't know if blueness is a word but it should not be blue-ness and jumped-started should be jump started.... I found the following sentence confusing..."I s...

Well, an interesting story. Betrayal seems to be a great title for it. Betrayal by a sister. I think there needs to be some explanation about why someone with a limosine would choose to walk the streets of New York late at night. Enjoying the fresh air of New York is not good enough for such young ladies I would think. I would also like to know why there is such a disparity in the fortunes of the two as that seems to be the case. How old are they? I would like to see some stronger reason for ...

Wow, what a complicated love story. A man marries a woman having seven babies from a former lover and claims them as his own. And, she loves his brother!!! I would very much like to read the former chapters to find just how this has come about. To insist on using names from the family of the biological father seems a bit cruel on Tara's part to me. Do mother's really come home from the hospital in three days after having seven babies? Also three weeks seems pretty early for the babies to go h...

I love this "mental ramble" of yours! Your advice is right on the money. It all makes sense to me and while I did not find it "funny", I found it very amusing. I do not have any imagination in writing and never would attempt to write any type of fiction, but I love to read sci-fi...fantasy. Your recommendations should help many of those writers out there with terrific imaginations about storyline and trouble with the details. You are a gifted writer and made your points beautifully. By the wa...

I don't believe there is enough content and it is not a strong statement that would get people motivated to act on your suggestions. Grammar and spelling need to be checked...watch for there and their. "It may have suffered"....perhaps We, instead of it? Watch for dropped words..."after being a second chance in life."...after being given a second chance in life.