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gregfool's profile

gregfool avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: Charlotte, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 16

“If I read a book [and] it makes my whole body so cold no fire ever can warm me I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only way I know it.  Is there any other way”  —Emily Dickinson

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Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
Red letters hang from the side of the truck like leaves.   Moving day and Pandora’s driving the truck-- one hand on the wheel, arm hanging out the window.   This bitter heat is not mine, she thinks.   Pandora moves out of fiction,   “What do I have left to give?” I want to allow you to think. “What do I have left to give?”   Missing control, Pandora rests sunglasses, turns dials.   Pandora, breathe.   Pandora isn’t home ye...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Red letters hang from the side of the truck like leaves. Moving day and Pandora’s driving the truck-- one hand on the wheel, arm hanging out the window. This bitter heat is not mine, she thinks. Pandora moves out of fiction, “What do I have left to give?” I want to allow you to think. “What do I have left to give?” Missing control, Pandora rests sunglasses, turns dials. Pandora, breathe. Pandora isn’t home yet. The idea of the porcelain figure: Pandora lays...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Jesus was a hard drinking man, standing out on Olive Street trying to find some action. It was Spring Break, and all of His girlfriends had gone down to Florida. Jesus took out a flask labeled Holy Water and took a sip of the amber liquid. At the crest of the hill Jesus noticed some flashing blue lights and two cops harassing a prostitute. The prostitute was the only action Jesus had seen all night, so He went to see what he could do. Jesus walked up to the first cop to find out what was goin...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
She whispers to me, her fears of genocide and what to wear to work. She's sitting down at the desk I cannot go beyond this turn the page and again it is written end at “work,” prepare response, prepare to whisper back. Begin again: She whispers to me (mouth) moving close to ear her fears (so close) I can smell the cigarette smoke of genocide (tongue) starting center , moving along the ridged roof of mouth and what to wear (her breasts) now brushing against my arm to work. Pull away. Turn head...
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Poetry / II [om]
Version 1
7 Reviews   0 Comments
Remember kids: Scantily clad prostitution intuitively capitalist. She thinks slowly, pulling down her wet panties clinging to her ankles. In this Victorian room life mingles in violent apparitions. An actress giving him evidence of what he wants: Her stock, which the gentlemen always appreciates. - Her words on the matter: "Oh god! Oh god Yes! YES!!" Her thoughts on the matter: I wonder if the sex was good? "Father Love Fuck" a blizzard among yellow leaves "I'm a whore!" dead hollow tree . . ...
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Reviews
Enjoyed the structure of the alternating end lines and the opening lines of each stanza. I was hoping for something in the last stanza after the build up of the end lines of "warm voice" and "blowing sorrow." In that respect it feel like let down, when poem (i think) is supposed to be uplifting. There are too many ideas and not enough images: "scenes of horror" "oh honest voice" . . . too much tell, not enough show. L21 is my favorite line, although again, needs more description about it. Pun...
Poetry / Israeli Liberal
L2 is I think a cliche in writing at this point. Inconsistent punctuation. Lacks and emotional punch as you've told us everything to feel. I like the Stanza 2, however with out any imagery it rather fails as a poem.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Nine Lines
may look better flush left instead of centered, although it does adds to the over all imagery to standing behind a tree. That middle line twists me. can't figure out the intent. sometimes it seems unnecessary. The imagery though in stanza 3 is brilliant.
Poetry / The Lost
excellent work overall. great imagery. nits: L14,15 "destructive" seems to be too much tell. L31,32 weak sentence, breaks the mood with the strange syntax L35 little bit cliche. great ending.
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