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groovieknave's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Rio Rancho, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Rio Rancho, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
I’m trying to learn how to become a better writer. I’m trying to find the style that works best for me, so I’m experimenting with different styles right now. I mostly write comedy, to entertain, but I also enjoy adding bits of symbolism. Sometimes I stray from comedy and write romance/fantasy.
I’m constantly writing, I have so many ideas that rarely get finished. I’m lucky to finish anything with the amount of ideas I have. I’ve only posted what I’ve completed as first writes. As with anything, they are a work in progress. This is what I use Urbis for, to find out if my writing experiments are working, what they need improvement on (besides grammar because I know I need work there), and if they are even worth expanding and developing…
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Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
14 Comments
Sam pushed the door open to his home, walked in and tossed his jacket somewhere. His keys jingled so he threw them on his couch as he rushed through the living room and stomped into the kitchen with a growling belly. He pulled open the fridge, milk. That’s it? After setting his cellphone down, he searched the cabinets for what seemed to him like hours but was only minutes. He found a box of Oat Bran and sighed with a sour face. Then he noticed the bag of brown sugar, and his sour face b...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
5 Reviews
8 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
5 Comments
He slid behind the legs of adults, some of them with thighs like giant fat pigs. He looked up and saw bellies, chins. No faces, he frowned. How freaky! Pushing on legs that only sometimes moved, and other times forced him to squeeze between knees which pushed against his chest. It sort of hurt, but more like uncomfortable. He stopped in the forest of different pants and shoes for a moment to catch his breath. Then he stuffed his hand in his pocket with one eyebrow raised, he pulled out his li...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
7 Reviews
15 Comments
The object placed into the box was somewhat important not vital just important. So the object was placed and surrounded in tiny pieces of foam for protection. The box was closed and sealed shut with tape to prevent being opened. An address was written and then a return address also. Then the box was carried to a counter with a register on top of it and a fake smiling human being behind it. The box was carefully taken from the customer with overacted nods and more fake smiles. The box was pla...
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Reviews
This isn't even a short story, but I guess it's a start. Feels like I found a piece of a page on the library floor. No idea where you could go with this, it doesn't have anything interesting to offer, what's a Black Tooth Grin in someones right hand? And what is he shaking the doctors left of? His left hand? As a baby being delivered? Then he's taking a shot? You should keep these notes to yourself or post them in a journal entry or something, but this isn't a short story... I don't even unde...
Well it's not finished but I like it since I've played many games just like it. Everquest, WoW, LOTRO, WAR, AoC, and City of heroes. I've tried them all, and what you write about is just like it... I have to say, I've had many moods where I've done what this character in the story does. :) As far as writing goes, you have great imagery, only problem I had was sometimes you weren't consistent from the transition to reality and game. The classroom it was great, but when Geraint and Sapphyra wer...
I noticed right off the dialog was confusing, not really sure who is talking Adri or whoever. I'd recommend tagging each bit of dialog at the beginning of a story, because we haven't learned who the characters are yet. Try adding more personality and actions... I know tagging can get tedious though, just try to make it interesting. I could have done with some more imagery in the car ride, or just more imagery. I understand it was rushed though. Also I don't feel like it was an ending, just a ...
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