I really liked the realization of what smoking can and has done to it's users. All I would work on, with this poem would be the title. Love your writing and best of luck to you with it.

I liked the contents and meaning of this poem. What I would work on are the second and last lines. The first line works well and other two, I think you could probably improve upon. Best wishes to you.

This is really good, depicting an issue that has been let to go on for quite sometime. I'm going to step out of the box, in my review on this one. I compare this to a once written novel by George Orwell, "Nineteen Eighty Four". In his novel, Orwell depicts a totalitarian society of the future, ruled by an omnipotent dictator called Big Bother. In this society, called Oceania, people's thoughts are controlled as tightly as their actions. The government maintains an organization called the "tho...

Hi, I know this is a spoken rap lyric, that flows into each spoken thought nicely. I like the title of these lyrics also. Just go over your typos on the spelling. I could point them all out, but uses too many credits. I will say, second line-at the end: (let's look past) change to "let's not look to the past"- and remember tonight. Also: you smile cause "they're" beaming. Overall I really love your message in these lyrics. Good job! Rhonda

I enjoyed this poem, because I can relate to it. Even though some people won't comprehend a lot of what we're trying to convey, we have to stand on what we write from our hearts. A strong backbone is needed to hold us up through all of our let downs in trying to be a writer of any kind. How far can hearts be torn and tattered? Only as much as they allow it to happen. Go over this for punctuation and it will be awesome. God bless & take care..

How funny! I really enjoyed this memoir and the title was very good in keeping with your subject. I wouldn't change a thing about this one. Best of luck to you! Rhonda

Hi, while this is for a friend of yours, I believe that if you removed the 'dude' at the end this poem could apply itself to male or female. In line 4 - I would find other words to better express this line. (Such as, 'When it arrives, new love will bring you back from the darkness of the sea.') I would leave out line - 5 and go with the next one, to tie it all together. It was a nice poem, full of encouragement. I enjoyed it. Take care......

I like what you've written so far, I feel that you still have at least 1 more stanza to end it. Okay, in the last stanza...I would switch the sentences. I would put the 'last' line 'second' - moving the 'second' one to 'last'. I think that it reads better that way. Just my opinion- your poem though. Take care....

You are SO right in just these few, but insightful words. Society has - for so long, kept us from seeing the 'good' in every person's inner being. Each person can offer so much, if only allowed. I love this memoir that you bring into the light for everyone to see. Now, if only people will just open their hearts. All my best to you, Rhonda

I read this last night and then again this morning. I can understand how this would have been so hard to put down on paper, and even harder-for public viewing. All through this journal you have developed the closeness of the characters. It allows the readers to understand how much children 'listen' to their friends and often put themselves in harms way, not listening to a parents' warning. That is the important body of your journal. Also, that you let them read 'how' a child can be manipulate...