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hammah's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: Elizabethtown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 24
LOC: Elizabethtown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 24
I’m a newpaper reporter, I write all day long, duh, but not always in fiction or poetry, which I love.
So these scrawlings are for fun and inspiration.
Thank you in advance to all good readers everywhere.
Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
3 Comments
MARLENE’S gum wrapper chain must have been 50 feet long. Unwinding it was the one time in 7th grade Marlene got enough attention. Kevin remembered her standing there, head of the science room, in a straight navy-blue skirt. Her bony knees punched two uneven balls above a hemline dropped straight from thin hips. Her pole-stick legs sank in white ankle socks. He could still see Marlene’s thin tits pushed against the baggy stripes of a shirt. It was nearly summer, the end of school. He watched ...
Version 1
11 Reviews
1 Comment
I MADE ALL THIS UP, so don’t call me a liar. I’m telling the truth; I made it up. The words fell through Tonya’s mind and over her shoulder like hair, slouched as she was against a dirty grey chair. The fluorescent light above the sink flicked a dim warning over a pile of crusty dishes. A cooking pot sat empty near a half-opened can of chicken soup. I made all this up, Tonya thought and reached for a green lighter, still warm. She flicked it and sucked fire into a cigarette held off two fing...
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Teenagers push against the hot night in urgent tones for hours, They are swept in searching, restless. Find me, find me they beg of their bodies, caught at the crest of imitation, disbursing all dreams on the fast advance of morning, Until there is nothing left to say. Someone took white paint and wrote "I Love God" On a rock beside the river. The bone-colored reflection stayed fixed on A stone a thousand-million years old Tossed up over the edge of an age. Your raspberry shirt collapsed on ...
Version 1
8 Reviews
0 Comments
No matter, the toss of paint, and first random stroke pulled from patterns out of horsehairs. The canvas doesn't lie. It just waits in feminine lines of reception. (Wanting broad strokes now and soft brushes later; then, nothing.) Counting time with a pendulum of color, the hand layers one to another. She laughs out loud from every corner in tones of white and cream patience. It is similar: the sentence of parts doing time in periods, icons yank meaning from nothing. Internal beats scream at...
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
If I whispered A sweet sound in Your one ear like Oh-h-h And then again In the other like My-y-y Would it unwrap The mystery that You are Like two twists Of a sweet? Would you sparkle Like mint or Would you sting Like anise Or would you melt Warm against my tasting Like buttercream?
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Reviews
Doubtful he hears. I like the way you've turned your sentences inside out, like passive voice in third person. It sets you both apart from your situation, and yet leaves your reader in it feeling alone. Kind of creepy. I hope the moral here is "gated" is a prison sometimes for those outside. Even if it leaves the elders free to "sighs" of relief. Nice work.
A very interesting start to your story. I like Claudia's otherwise normal interaction with her brother, it's like a safety in the story. Watch use of possessives in your writing. I think if you introduced some fantasy about what a tail might imply the story would connect better. But I guess that is coming later in the book. Nice touch, the pan flute music and dancing. Very Satyr-like. And the chemistry is good. One could assume her brother is wizard-like. Keep writing.
This must be a chapter of a short story ... the interaction between characters is great, but we don't see much about him, his looks, why he is with this woman. I'm not sure it is enough to hang alone as a short story, unless your conclusion is that he has to kill Sergio. Not all short stories have conclusions, but they do "tell a story." Keep writing this out. I bet it will be a really cool ride.
I love how you've named fire the ancient. It's really true. Sometimes watching a fire burn down is like seeing inside the universe. I spent a half a campfire taking pictures of it one night. The fact you've ascribed the feminine to the fluttering moth is also very fitting, the fact she ends up alive beside his ashes is kind of unexpected, tugging at the heart. It makes a nice comparison, the ancient fire and the curious, short flight of a moth. Thanks for this.
I think your story is hilarious. I love the ruckus the monkeys made in the tree, it seemed to represent the same kind of ruckus they raised in your life! The flow of the story is also very good, breaking into the phone conversation with your CO. Check your grammar in a few places, rebuild should be rebuilt, just stuff like that, if you want to send this to a magazine. Editors will probably clean it up for you, but a quick run through a spell/grammar check would fix it! Thanks for sharing.
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