hazelwrite's profile

I'm a bit confused... it seems to start out as a modern piece then changes and sounds more like it's from the 1700's. Perhaps I'm missing something. Also, the rhyme scheme does not sound consistent to me. I like the very first stanza, but the rest of the piece not seem to keep pace. I wonder if you might consider breaking it into two separate poems and taking them in entirely different directions? Just a suggestion of course. Thank you for sharing.

This is certainly a heartfelt piece, so very personal-it's difficult to review. There are punctuation mistakes, but that's easy enough to correct. Overall the piece gives a clear picture of loss and lonliness, but I can't honestly say I hear anything new or original about the way it's expressed. In no way do I want to belittle your pain or the expression of it. But, you have submitted it in this forum, I assume, as a way to get honest opinions and possibly have it published. I do hope you'll ...

This is a wonderful piece and I look very much forward to seeing more from you. Extremely insightful, and an original voice. I hope you continue to write and progress on the writing path. I think you have a very bright future. The stanza about slapping destiny, WOW! That is certainly my favorite and proves to me you have not just talent but passion. I love it! Keep writing. Thank you for sharing!