I liked it. It was easy to read, flowed well, and your narrator was well-developed. You could do a bit more background of the narrator, though. Even though it's a short story, there's always room for more, and the story would be more effective if we knew more about your character. All we know is that he/she is overweight and this is their first (and last) experience at a water park. Overall though, it was a good story. I did find it funny, you made the narrator's little incident real so that ...

I enjoyed it. It's simple, and I really agree with all of the points you make. My cousin is gay and just recently came out to the rest of the family. All of us are accepting of him and very supportive of his lifestyle, so I can relate to this entry very much. No flaws that I found, and the piece is interesting. It seems to me to sound like a speech. It could easily be read aloud to a room of people and have an impact. That's powerful, and is hard to do with writing. I look forward to reading ...

I can't tell you how much I LOVED this. It was so well-written. Your command of your words and the imagery you provide truly is stunning. I loved the in-depth look into the mind of this "sadistic killer." One of the best poems I've read on here.

Interesting. I have to say that I don't like it as much as your other chapters, but it's still good and keeps the overall tone of the story. The last sentence of the chapter makes the pet place sound ominous, which I don't really understand, but I guess I won't find out until I read the next chapter, right? The writing is good and it flows. No mistakes that I've found. I suspect that there's more to this pet place than we see here, which will be interesting to find out. I do like your story a...

I must say, I really loved this. It's so interesting a topic to write about - stones. Who would have thought? Well, you did, and it turned out well. You personify your topic in amazing ways. Your imagery is beautiful as well, giving me a clear picture of what you are describing. I loved it, I wouldn't have it any other way. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Loved it. The theme you used and the repetition in your pattern and style made it as good as it was. I like the unique viewpoint you take on each thing, each time emphasizing that you want to be free. Your writing flowed nicely and your words were beautiful.

In my opinion, the events in this piece were a little bit muddied. I really believe you should expand it a bit, more detail is always go. You did capture your main character well, but I'm still confused as to what exactly Peter is experiencing right now. More clarity in this department would be helpful. You did a great job of showing us rather than telling us what is happening, which is something difficult for most writers. I do like what you have here. The style is well done, but you should ...

I think you should continue. You've set up quite the story here. However, I don't think of this as a children's book. Your wording is far too complex for children. I'd say it should be put into Young Adult, in the 13-18 age range. I'd like to read more of this, as you have an interesting plot line so far and I believe that you can continue to establish more about your character and his background. The only thing that needs fixing is the grammar and punctuation of the piece, but all that can b...

Very good writing, indeed, although I must say that I don't agree with all of it. Not all corporate bookstore customers are like the ones you describe. I do, in fact, head for the shelves of challenging literature and classics and I buy them because I can have such a wonderful book in my possession and only my possession - free to read and enjoy over and over again. However, this is not to say that I don't understand the point you're making. I like the way you have written this piece: by givi...

I loved it. The imagery you used to describe what the narrator saw was chilling - I felt as though I was standing there. I think this h as potential and I believe it could be published. The image you leave in the reader's mind is terrifying and because of this, we can easily identify with your narrator's fear and paranoia. Well written, and I could find no obvious grammar mistakes. But that may be because I wasn't exactly looking for them.