hypocrasis's profile

hypocrasis avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Boone, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 17

I hate writing descriptions of myself. You’ll have to read the writing.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Haiku/Senryu / Rebound
Version 1
10 Reviews   1 Comment
After the rain of seasons, days, and love's long greys the moon sees again
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
18 Reviews   1 Comment
After so many years, it was strange to enter my old bedroom again. Walking into the dimly lit room seemed a world away from the richly adorned hallway behind me. It was dim the way track lighting is dim in a movie theatre; it was expectant. The atmosphere was similarly pale and slightly opaque, as if a woman had gone to powder her nose and the powder had slipped out of her hand and fallen onto the floor. I could almost smell that delicate smell of makeup, but as I entered further, that chang...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Poetry / oh, beginnings
Version 2
9 Reviews   4 Comments
the table and a bowl of cereal this morning, like all the others the dresser an old sweater and it slides into my head again a remenisce, introducing my darkened brow and I can feel your pain in my hands my heart my eyes, steely down into my monkey toes like i'm it the pain like i could sieve and pick apart the memories of your younger days and de-stem your kindest intentions eyes, cadette blue innocent plans for the practical character you would be become instead, the prelude the obeying st...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Poetry / -
Version 1
9 Reviews   7 Comments
hear me now and listen to me later i was begun a dewdrop and i will end a cloud of dust wishing that my flesh was mutable but what must must
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Poetry / oh, beginnings
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
the table and a bowl of cereal the dresser an old sweater and it slides into my head again a remenisce a darkened brow and I can feel your pain in my hands my heart my eyes, steely down into my fleshy toes like i'm it the pain like i could sieve and pick apart the memories of your younger days and your kind intentions eyes, cadette blue innocent plans for the practical character you would be become instead this moment of reckoning when the end, a hostile bedfellow has been beginning, has beg...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Reviews
I had trouble finding a thread in this one. It seems a little too scattered to be about anything in particular. For example, where do the sand and salt come in, and why? The language is alright, but I'm not sure if the reference to hell is successful here. IT is so overused, you need to treat a reference to hell delicately. This would need some patchwork to be successful; figure out what exactly you are trying to say, and find a creative way to say it.
Short Story / The Hour of Terence
I really like the voice you have used here. It is dark, disturbed, and very successful at both. It didn't leave me wanting more of the character, because I think you took care of that by making it clear that his life has only one purpose. That being described to us, along with his history, no more needs to be said. It is a testament to the derangement possible of the human psyche. It is a showcase for the twisted underbelly of society. All the while seeming perfectly in control and reasonable...
Non-fiction / 29 years
I really liked this. The switching between second and third person doesn't bother me; I am often guilty of that in my own writing. Some say it is grammatically fatal but I think it can add a certain timelessness and.or placelessness to a piece. You describe marriage with a gentle, honest, grateful voice that I truly find heartwarming. I love the use of water in your piece; water always adds a certain mythical, serious feel to something. At the line "clinging to each other in a mad world," I w...
Poetry / Shy Eyes
I had a little trouble with this one. A couple of your words, "grue-necked" and "gateaux" seem totally out of place, probably because I don't know what they mean. But wait, does "gateaux" mean cake in french? While I see that you are trying to describe an exotic scene, you may be relying too much on big words to do that for you. Like, "diffidence" and "coquettish" seem like they could be replaced with words that may describe a little better. Because I am not sure what's going on here. The ima...
Hm. There's something about the repetition that works for me. It creates the feeling of droning mindlessness that accompanies (what I think of as) office jobs. Short, to the point, motorized, a little drab, curt; this I would use to describe your language but not in a bad way, it added to the overall feel of the poem. The line "Detoxifying "Tell me about"" confused me; I couldn't really see where it fit into this poem. There's some great onomonopoeia (sp?) in this. I don't think this poem wou...
Favorites

hypocrasis has no favorites yet.

People