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iaminvisible's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Pittsburgh, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 14
LOC: Pittsburgh, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 14
I am a writer.
{nominative subject} {linking verb} {indefinite article} {direct object}.
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Version 5
6 Reviews
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Since I felt that feelin’ of which my love derives I know I can’t stop hopin’ to look once more into your eyes. Now that I’ve met you I can’t know you anymore unless you allow me, to hold you once more I’ll have you know You are a part of my life I wish I never had to let go if I can’t have love from you If I have to leave you behind Before I lose my mind I just want to tell you My love for you will remain true. Since I’ve known you I have found it harder To stop my love from coming through T...
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Version 1
0 Reviews
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They say you're not good enough for me They say you're out of my reach They say you smoke to much They say I don't smoke enough They say it won't work out They say we're not compatible They say you like tough guys Am I not tough enough? They say you're not my type But what is my type? They say I'm too sensitive They say that you're to sensitive They say that you need a shoulder to cry on They say that I need a shoulder to cry on I say I love you What do you say?
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Version 1
0 Reviews
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You are the song my soul would sing And one of these days that song will ring In every ear both far and near I love you. Why I love you so I do not know like the waters of a river my love for you will never cease to flow I've seen you in daytime I've seen you at night No matter when I see you You are quite the sight.
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Version 4
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Since I felt that feelin’ of which my love derives I know I can’t stop hopin’ to look once more into your eyes. Now that I’ve met you I can’t know you anymore unless you allow me, to hold you once more I’ll have you know You are a part of my life that I wish I never had to let go if I can’t have love from you If I have to leave you behind Before I lose my mind I just want to tell you My love I for you will remain true. Since I’ve known you I have found it harder To stop my love from coming th...
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Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Since I felt that feelin’ of which my love derives I know I can’t stop hopin’ to look once more into your eyes. Now that I’ve met you I can’t know you anymore unless you allow me, to hold you once more I’ll have you know like the waters of a river my love for you will never cease to flow if I can’t have love from you If I have to leave you behind Before I lose my mind I just want to tell you My love I for you will remain true. Since I’ve known you I have found it harder To stop my love from c...
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My goodness, this piece of writing is breathtaking. I have only read poems like this in published work. I am amazed at your mastery of the English language and the feeling you convey. Even though its been eleven months, you are so in love with him/her(It seemed like a guy from lines like "I even looked past/ all of your lame pick-up lines," but I am not going to assume). I love the last two lines especially. And you now have my heart It’s now all yours to own They're pure brilliance, you love...
I liked the scheme. It flowed nicely, and good flow is an incredibly important facet of poetry. I also liked the subtle references. Lines like Twisting hips just so and so to Van’s “Queen of the Slipstream” allow you to illustrate meaning in a short concise format. Nice word choice also. You certainly don't make it hard to imagine what is going on. The lines are short as well, incredible job. Keep up the good work.
I liked the rhyming scheme a great deal. It flowed nicely and remained relatively constant throughout the poem. I am not entirely sure what the aim of this poem is, however. I know that art is incredibly subjective, but I feel like I am getting mixed signals from the writing. This stanza, "Transit conduit space breaking, sending signals around Sending pain found outside to within, stating beware or activating actions through flare of the line" was particularly confusing. You talked about a br...
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