A quick note about your letter to the editor. I wonder if you should leave out the fact that you are writing a memoir. Everyone, their mother, their stylist and their dog walker are writing memoirs, and unless it has been published, chances are (at this point) an editor or literary agent might not care about it. Stick to selling the piece at hand. Sell the memoir in it's own letter. Also, don't mention turning autobiographical information into a fiction piece (unless it is this piece...then s...

I could handle the poop. What I couldn't handle were the footnotes. Either get rid of them, or if the information is completely necessary work it into the story. But the footnotes in a children's book, it didn't work for me. It's an interesting take on the classic tale "Boy Who Cried Wolf." I think if you did a little language reworking, this would be a great books for young kids, not only those potty training, but to teach kids the value of telling the truth. Simplify it just a bit more. (I ...

So you are trying to discover the secret that every writer wishes to know...why not my piece? Hopefully I can help, although I'm not a publisher-but I have done some research and I think I have a theory about your dilemma. What is your target audience with this piece? This piece doesn't have a flavor of a commercial piece. It doesn't seem like it would appeal to a wide variety of people. Your audience would most likely be comprised completely of people who like this style. Don't get me wrong,...

Since you have the luxury of being able to expand more, I would like to know more about Caroline. What was she doing before the lightning strike? Why are there bars on her windows? Why is there no back door? Or is there a back door...and she just doesn't run for it? Give us more character and setting. I will say one thing, it does entice the reader to think...what type of woman would just sit back and drink at her life's end?

Some of your sentences are phrased a bit oddly. (Ex: “What was he eating M&M’s for at four in the morning?” Try reshaping it a bit to roll off the tongue easier "Why was he eating M&M's at four in the morning?" as an example.) The block of dialogue right after the MnM's is confusing. Are they speaking to us? Each other? I'm confused. Actually, every part where she breaks in "can you stick to the story?" it gets confusing. Are they telling a story that has already happened? Are they completely...

Hamster stealing cheese? Sounds more like a mouse thing. Other than that, a well polished piece. Your characters are fun, enjoyable. Actually I think I could see a series with these characters. Your phrasing is well thought out. I give you major kudos!

As with many poems, I wonder how much better it would be without a rhyme scheme. I got the impression that this piece could be so much more without the limitations of rhyming. I dunno, sometimes I find poems are best in rhyme (and i may be wrong about yours) but many times I think the restraint it puts on words, it just doesn't fit. Aside from that, I think it is an interesting snapshot into that hopeless feeling that many people feel at one point in their life. That no matter how much good w...

This was alright, granted not my favorite style of writing (nor is it my favorite subject matter) but that isn't your fault, simply my preference. I did find a couple spots where you may want to look at polishing your punctuation or grammer. ex: "Mr. Gardiner asked me that day if I would arrange a meeting." Maybe try rearranging it to say "Mr. Gardiner asked me if I would arrange a meeting that day." ex: "He knew I had once been a friend. He stood in my front hall, a proud man, a man who want...

Technical Items:::Punctuation. you are missing commas where commas should be and have commas where they should not. Grammar. Try reading your piece out loud, as it is written on the page (pause your sentences at commas and periods) and it should help you iron out both problems. Focus. You seem to lose your intentions in the first paragraph. If you want to tell us about the trees...tell us about the trees (then switch over to tell us about the woman caring for them). If you want to tell us abo...