igivejustshoot's profile

igivejustshoot avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 03

I joined to get an idea about my writing.  I have tons of ideas and I’m getting on in years and am considering getting serious about my writing but am not sure it is good enough yet.  My family’s too busy to read my stuff and I need constructive criticism.  Thanks.

        

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Short Story / The Right Path
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
As a large rock hit the back of his thigh, Rodney Porter knew he was in trouble. "Fat boy!" Collin yelled before hurling another rock at the back of Rodney's head. Rodney ran, pumping his arms to and fro in panic as he gasped for air. The boys were gaining on him. There was an intersection in the road coming up ahead, but Rodney didn't have time to pay attention, if the boys caught him he was dead meat for sure. He wasn’t sure why the boys were chasing him. They’d hated him as long as he coul...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Untitled
Version 1
7 Reviews   2 Comments
I can say that I did not spend my time idly by, I danced upon the grassy fields, I sang out in the sun. And now I am prepared to die Knowing my very life had won. For if like a lamb, laid down had I When first the gentle Reaper came Surely the good people’d cry For they might feel the twinge of blame. Those who cast out, those who shame Who scare the living into death Claiming the dead in the Savior’s name And this they quietly proclaim with life’s last breath But gentle still I would not go ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Same Old Song
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
The air was stale in the hospital waiting room, the tension dancing, twirling around the room, taking its toll on each person who nervously occupied one of the uncomfortable cushioned chairs. Garrett Johnson’s hands shook, causing the coffee in his Styrofoam cup to crash back and forth against the sides. His back ached as he sat forward in his chair, his once clean sky blue button up shirt sitting next to him, stained now forever. He could feel twinges of pain on his forehead under the banda...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Dead Man
Version 1
9 Reviews   1 Comment
I have heard that before a tragedy occurs, there are hints to let people know it’s coming. It could be something in the environment, like a static in the air or the phase of the moons. Others say it can be seen in the way people behave, they become tense and strange just before tragedy strikes. It has been said too, that animals act oddly. Quiet dogs howl and bark at the upcoming tragedy they sense and birds fly in scattered, messy patterns. But mostly, I’ve heard the signal is a feeling in t...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
I like the imagery. It's very strong. The idea of "sharp edged" nightmares that cut through is interesting. I would like to see this expanded.
I really liked the story. I was able to picture everything going on in my head and it kept me reading because it’s interesting (a gun wielding granny busting a door down in the first few pages always helps keep interest ). I like the use of the narrator, sometimes it doesn’t work but in this case I think it does. On page 7, I didn’t really like the dialogue between the grandmother and Christi-I don’t know why it just seemed odd because the grandmother seemed so fed up, I don’t think she’d try...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Short Story / Nice Things
I like the imagery, especially in the first paragraph. “…running and dripping…” Could probably just use one of these since they basically mean the same thing. “…the death of a rare piece of china…” Neat way of putting it. It’s hard to say I like the story because of the subject matter, but it was a well written story. You use nice description throughout and the few places of dialogue are good. I didn’t see any problems with your sentences or their lengths.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / I Am Woman!
Locked
Poetry / Hanging There
I thought this was very good (and not just for your age, in general it was good). The only thing I can think to add would be maybe more imagery (and that is only optional). Well done.
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