imogene's profile

imogene avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 18

I am an aspiring writer working on several novels and ideas.  I joined Urbis to get some help, please always be as honest as you can.  I want to know what you think, my feelings won’t be hurt.

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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / I found out tonight
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
I found out tonight. I found out tonight that you are real. You have a life that is outside my fantasies. You are whole and flesh and feelings and hopes. You were not created to make me feel good. You are real. It was so selfish of me to hold you there, molding you into something you cannot be. I trapped you and kept watch over you and guarded you and held you so tight. But that’s not the truth. That’s not who you are. You exist outside of me. There is a whole world going on for you that I ne...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Choices
Version 1
4 Reviews   5 Comments
I love you, but I love him too, you know? No, I don’t know. I can’t imagine. I love you, you’re the love of my life and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You alone. No one else. No one else. I love you and our life. Its safe. I am safe. She is safe. And I will always be. You will always keep me safe and sound and sheltered and protected and good and fine and that way. But he is new. Fresh and lovely and handsome and wonderful and strong and beautiful and artistic and happy and fun...
Novel Treatments / Early Morning Panic
Version 2
3 Reviews   6 Comments
In Japan we were in the clouds all the time. So we couldn’t see anything and certainly didn’t get any visual clues as to how the war was going. The Japs told us that if the US invaded Japan we would all be executed. We heard about that late in the war when we heard the Americans were making some advances. They obviously hadn’t reached Japan yet, but we suspected the news was true because the guards were becoming increasingly nasty and nervous. They had never even mentioned the possibility of ...
Novel Treatments / I pissed my pants
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
In Japan we were in the clouds all the time. So we couldn’t see anything and certainly didn’t get any visual clues as to how the war was going. The Japs told us that if the US invaded Japan we would all be executed. We heard about that late in the war when we heard the Americans were making some advances. They obviously hadn’t reached Japan yet, but we suspected the news was true because the guards were becoming increasingly nasty and nervous. They had never even mentioned the possibility of ...
Novel Treatments / Going nuts
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Our minds decided to pack up and leave our heads one by one. And when your brain leaves, you can be Mr. Mellow or you can be one ornery son of a bitch. Often our moods changed without any provocation. A lot of times I was so low on food and water that everything moved a little more slowly, took a little more effort to get done. I couldn’t move too fast because I might fall down, fall backwards, fall over, fall forward. It took me a long time to say anything too. I forgot words, I forgot how t...
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Reviews
What does grief have to do with this? I thought the piece was about second changes? There are a few grammatical mistakes throughout, recheck the piece. I could tell from your vernacular that you are probably in recovery, so you should be able to offer a lot of insight. That's how I would rewrite this, by focusing on my own recovery and second chance in life. As is, the piece is too general and disjointed.
Short Story / HIS WORD BECAME FLESH
Locked
Novel Treatments / A Journey Begins
You have a lot of tense changes. This story happened in the past, that means all of your verbs need to be in the past tense. Should be "class' door." No comma after "the door swung open." I would need much more to become intrigued or compelled to read on.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / BOOBS
I like that entry. I have not had kids yet, so this is quite the cautionary tale for me. I liked especially when you say you should have appreciated your body before you had children. I am a little scared now. Good entry though and funny at the end when you cue "Taps."
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Sex Education
Do you need to have so many goals? Its a little annoying for a reviewer to fill out EACH ONE, especially when a few are similar. The idea of a disclaimer is original and I really liked that. I especially enjoyed "abandon hope..." Please use spell check before submitting work. Also, your quotes turned out backwards for some reason. These things just help the ease of reading. You could expand more on some of your encounters for more comedic effect. As it stands it is a little vague.
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