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indianajoel's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Phoenix, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 25
LOC: Phoenix, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 25
I am a professional archaeologist with about seven years experience in the field. Over the years I have worked independently, writing fiction and creative non-fiction. At times I have participated in writing groups that meet face to face. Currently, I reside in Phoenix where I work for an environmental consultant and continue to write on my own. Thus far, I found no suitable writing groups to join locally since moving from Colorado two years ago.
Most of my writing is set in historic or prehistoric contexts. I apply my professional knowledge and research in writing in a more informed, culturally aware, and accurate manner. I also believe that it is my goal to find ways to inform and educate the reader while entertaining. Plea…
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Chapter V: The Honor of Massalia Through the galley’s view ports, Pytheas and his men could see the Carthaginian island city of Gadir. It was said that the city was founded many centuries before by an ancient race known as the Tartessians on the spot where Hercules had sacrificed rams to Neptune as one of his trials. Centuries followed before settlers from Phoenicia and Carthage mixed with the native Tartessians in an apparently peaceful assimilation. Along with Gadir, other small towns and v...
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The defending British forces had fought brilliantly, anger and blue woad paints flashing across their warriors’ faces, slashing with their long, slender blades at the armor of the invaders. Cowering behind their large unwieldy shields, the invading Romans, impatiently, awaited the order to advance. At the center of each of the Roman shields were placed heavy, conical armored domes, known as bosses that were shoved, with bone-crushing force into an enemy’s face when they ventured too close. A ...
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The roar of the sea rumbled in the mists and along the rocky shore that marked the southern most boundary of his family’s lands. The day was a dreary one, the wind sending sheets of rain into the fields. Caradoc’s father, Hywel had sent him to the outskirts of the familial lands earlier in the day. His duty was to assure that the clan’s cattle herd were secured within the enclosure at the base of an ancient man-made earthen mound known as Maidun’s Castle. He had hurried through the day’s chor...
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The bitter cold winds rose from the west. A silvery quarter moon was shining and he could observe the surrounding countryside as he shivered—slowly, he descended into the shadowed ravine. Dark silhouettes of skeletal elm and oak lurked overhead. He picked his way through the increasingly thick undergrowth to a small straggling stream. Retrieving a water bag from his pack, he proceeded to break through the layer of ice that had formed on the surface and filled the water bag with mud-clouded wa...
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Chapter IV: The Pillars of Hercules After sailing three days out of Emporia, the Sea Wolf cut through the clear waters along the eastern coast of Iberia. The crew watched the white sandy beaches slide away as they traveled farther south. The coastline grew into large crags and rocks, and dotted with the occasional island. Many of the crew were veterans of other excursions south and it was common knowledge amongst them that there were small Greek, Celtiberian, and Carthaginian outposts and com...
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Hey there, good start to an interesting story. I have included a few suggestions below: change 'squelch' to quench. add 'He shed as much clothing [as] he...', change 'temerity solution' to temporary... change 'obtain this “money” still pondered him' to He still pondered how he might obtain this "money"' As far as the concept is concerned, I think you are on the right path. Make sure to re-read and even read the piece aloud to catch typos, misspelling, ect.
My first suggestion: Change the horse's name. For an opener to a new series, this has some intriguing elements. Not knowing what type audience you are going for here, I am left guessing that this is slanted towards late teen, and twenty something females? Of course reading further chapters will allow me to better gage where you are taking the reader. The flow needs some work still, however the style and writing itself is strong. You have a lot going for you in this piece--just keep working at...
I feel the style here is reminiscent of author Ted Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss), who had an uncanny ability for socio-political commentary. I'm sure you are familiar with his cartoon campaign against Nazism and Fascism in the 1930's-40's. As far as flow and readability, I found the submission to move quite nicely through character background and the progression of the protagonist in his quest. I have a few suggestions in this area: 3rd P, 1st line: Reword 'with couple with'... Same P, 6th line: Omi...
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