inxthexpinesx's profile

i really like your line "cry myself to sleep mentality" but the rest just doesnt seem to show me anything. You seem to convey messages very well but you seem to struggle with sustainfull imagery. Your subtle rythming is catchy but is also distracting because it is not rythmic but is seemingly random. I an relate to this poem and i think that it has a good universal theme, i just wish you could portray this theme more metaphorically so as to really highlight the perspective your telling it fr...

This piece was very candid to me. I smiled after i read it. Its very straight forward, and i like that considering the length, but still leaves room for personal relevance and thought.

this piece has obviously been thought over for some time i see. Your punctuation is right on, your imagery is exquisite, and the concept is universal, yet described in a personal unique way. One problem i have is your overuse of like via similes. Many of these similies could be turned into metaphors and so would cut down on the use of the word like, thereby cutting out this annoying and largely overused word. Another way you could eliminate the like in your life would be to use synonyms such ...

First Verse: Why do you not use punctuation? I thinhk that although poetry is supposed to br free, punctuation helps the reader help understand in what context you are speaking. The images you used here are a little overcooked and i think that you could come up with better, more unique images. Second Verse: You really stepped it up in this verse I think. The opening image you use is fantastic, and I wish that you could apply this quality to you first verse. Alot of the time, peoples writing i...