jackierose's profile
AGE:
14
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 25
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 25
My name is Jacquelyn. Many people callme Jackie. I love to write stories and poetry, it helps release many emotions. Thats my friend Heather in the green. She’s my best friend : )
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Version 1
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Say you love me when you are laying beside me To keep me happy, to escape reality When you dance with me, spinning around and around My eyes lost in yours, everything around us a blur Say you love me when I'm holding our child Cooing out of pure joy Say you love me when I am lying in my casket My heart belongs to you, and I am watching from above In the end, I love you too.
Version 1
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Take my heart and carry it away I want to spend my life with you, there is no other way My heart melts when you say "I love you" You make me whole, make my life brand new You hold my hand and walk me through my life A journey unfolding inside my mind Rub my cheek and look in my eyes Take my heart, one last time
Version 1
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Take my heart and carry it away I want to spend my life with you, there is no other way My heart melts when you say "I love you" You make me whole, make my life brand new You hold my hand and walk me through my life A journey unfolding inside my mind Rub my cheek and look in my eyes Take my heart, one last time
Version 2
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The pain is washing over me, as an unbearable tidalwave. My hands are clawing to the top, I'm trying to breathe. The light is fading away, the coldness is taking over. Will somebody save me from this tidalwave? Things are sinking in around me, My body is craving for oxygen that the water will not secrete Are you turning your head away, not noticing me? I am giving up, my mind and body surrender As my eyes fade out, your hand grabs mine. You saved me from my death Only the very last time.
Version 1
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My heart races as you brush my cheek with your fingertips Why am I feeling this way when I have so much hate? You hit me when I say no, slap me when I turn away I'm under your lock and key, there is no escaping You are suffocating me in every way..to where I can't breathe I hide my bruises from the world, to keep your secret When I told my friend, you beat me again.
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Reviews
This poem was overall great. Seems like you are relating this to a child maybe? This last line is a strong ending and makes you realize what the whole poem is about.
It has been a long day. I don't exactly understand this.
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
You need to watch your spelling and punctuation. Overall it was good though.
I think this is great. Sometimes I feel like that but emotionally. I long to help but I can't. That is why I want to be a doctor.
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