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jdcantel's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Bethel, ME
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 29
LOC: Bethel, ME
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 29
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Version 1
9 Reviews
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Somewhere between silence and solace Lies the way your eyes infiltrate my soul. If there were only words That made the distance therein less inhospitable Then perhaps my nights would be less intolerable. My only peace exists In those moments when the sun sets slowly Over the mountain peaks. Only that fleshy peach glow Can match the irrepressible desire that holds me captive. Tongue-tied and spirit bound I suffer While the dusk slowly settles like a blanket of darkness over the valley. The mil...
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Reviews
I like the imagary that you've used. The poem has a lot of pain, but also breathes a bit of hope into the bleak world you discribe. I like how the style of the poem fits with the meaning. It's not traditional, rhymed, metered verse - but free form. Nice choice here.
I like that you've explored the concept of fair here, but I the language is a bit simplistic. I'd like to see more of what you're saying while I read, perhaps this is something you can work on. Or not...critique is so often a matter of an opinion.
The line "in their love they were recast" is very touching. I like how you use both the characters in each stanza. Nicely done.
I love how you've used repition to give the line more life. You've allowed each line to have different meanings. Nicely done.
Beautifully written. I think this is a universal emotion - longing, unrequited love. You've done a good job expressing that here.
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