jebozid's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Croatia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Croatia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
Just your average crazy person at large. Don’t try to catch me, it’s a trap, don’t be so naive!
“You told me I’m the only one
Sweet little angel you should have run…” – Alice In Chains: “Love, Hate, Love”
If you want to know anything else, I’m just a PM or e-mail away.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to mention I’m a complete bastard to some people. If that includes you – tough luck, just hate me. In fact, join the club of unbelievers! :P
(yes, you really need to press that block button, I’m that irritating. But then I win. Heehee!)
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
budget beer barrels blood-boiling bulimic blondes bold before battles burgundy bocals bantering burly brunettes bored between battles best bourbon bottles bothersome buxom blackhairs bald beyond battles
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
26 Reviews
26 Comments
I awake on her bed bound with Sunday chains. Nightfall whisperings morphed to morning shame at 8 a.m. Her chestnut hair - now a car crash; last-night mascara transformed a panthera to a panda bear. Hung-over and half-dressed, I decide to sneak out and spare us both the awkwardness and ethanol excuses. She pretends to be asleep - I can tell by the speed of her breathing, maybe gathering courage to confront my leaving eyes; while I'm brewing a perfect excuse to pencil down and leave on her nigh...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Black eyes extinguished on the spot - wrong side of St. Andrew's cross. The horn in a wail ; the brakes in a scream . Slow motion re-runs immune to passing years. From counseling to therapy; from sermon to rehab. Retired from driving - now works as a flagman. To outlast the Sunday he drops in the Golden Rat. Behind the silver wheel - he bets it all on black. Life is like a train you sometimes miss the lane you sometimes melt the tracks you gain what no one lacks and long for a better day Red ...
Version 3
15 Reviews
30 Comments
He crumples his cravat amidst the crescendo he tears the frazzled keys of a grand piano towards the string quartet, he hurls the papered Brahms with yellow-orchid vase, he hits the hanging lights Explosions swing on wires; the curtains dance with fire 10 sold out soldiers sore from crowd appeasing His deadpan face perspires; the stage becomes a pyre 10 tired fighters; bitter, bored and bleeding The gowns and ties stampede; the lanterns meteor down he sits behind the casket with teeth of black...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
0 Comments
Overschooled, overworked, overrun; happier under influence.
Opportunities
[ View all items ]
Reviews
"fully lines" - maybe 'aligns' would work instead. I'm not sure because your style of linebreaking makes the rhythm very hard to follow for me. I would especially reconsider if you want your lines ending with words like "of" and "to". I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish here but I would re-linebreak the whole poem lenghtening the lines so there would be half the current number. Also, if your style allows it you could fiddle with punctuation, which is almost non-existent. (I only n...
You have some well writen and nicely painted moments like "he signed his name on my uterus " and "she looks just like him and she acts just like me" - though you should probably lose the "just"s here. Also break this up in lines, and even in stanzas. I would do 2 stanzas here: one about you thinking of him and second about your daughter. The way it's written it doesn't have any rhythm, but that can be easily mended. You have the idea about what you want to write, now focus on the exact specif...
Pyrénées or Pyrenees are the correct French expression. I see you used "roja" - I believe "red" in Spanish. So maybe you should use the Spanish name for the mountains: Pirineos "Catalan moon" - Catalan refers to language, Catalonian to one belonging to a region, and from the context here, I believe you meant the latter "when we can both escape our bonds" - I would lose "when" and "can", I don't think you need them I don't recall Degas using the pointillism technique, care to specify which pie...
In the last line: the correct way to write it is: Je m'appelle... I feel the title is too revealing, you already say everything that the poem tells, so you don't reward the reader with any suspense and/or surprise. I believe the clues you provide would be enough to guess what the poem is about (Calypso, him shouting his own name, the ocean exploring equipment) I got that Cousteau is having a mid-life crisis, but maybe you could give us even more details about the reasons and the sudden loss o...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
