jeells's profile

The form is interesting; I think I'd keep that - /'s as if it's being quoted in another text. The U's & Ur's can work - almost gives the feeling of text messaging - but don;t overdo it - i think 'kno' is going a bit far. Could use more specifics - who is s/he, who is the speaker, etc. Also, I'd replace things like 'Got ur name on my heart' with non-cliches.

Interesting. Until halfway thru, I way expecting some cutting. The poem is titled 'recovery,' and it seems to imply a perpetual nature to this thing you must 'recover' from - like a daily dose of peace to cure the loneliness, irritability, etc. from a long day. The meter is fairly regular, but I think it limits the poem. It sounds kind of inauthentic/jingly when I read it. I think you could do better with a free verse and tell us more about the problem, the feelings, etc. Bring the reader int...

The poem, ironically, has a very warm feel. The language is a bit archaic (e.g. adjectives after nouns instead of before) - not necessarily a bad thing if that's your intention. One thing that might help bring this to life is some specific description of the memories. Tell us something about Daddy, so we know who you're talking to. It's a nice poem - very personal and authentic; specifics will make it more so.

I like the idea. I think you should expand it and add some specific instances (i.e. how does 'you' fill 'me' up with 'living'?). Show the reader what you mean; engage the reader. You can still be brief if you use economical word choices/descriptions. The comma at the end of second-to-last line isn't necessary, is grammatically incorrect, and kind of bothered me.