Good start. I see the connect between inner and outer pain. I would try to exploit this parallel more, as in the abscesses and the 'burst between my halves.' I think you could do more with this. 'I abandon my self respect regretfully' - I would have liked to hear this in a more showing way, or with more forceful language. Perhaps be more specific and/or use more exciting words ('self respect' & 'regretfully' are a bit stale). I would read through the entire poem with a Roget's International T...

Interesting. Is this part of something bigger? I'm curious to know more. This says something about more than what's on the page - this is the world in the 21st century.

The main concern I have is the language - it seems a bit stale. Try and take your word choices up a notch - paint a picture with them, so to speak. 'All you have to do is believe' did not satisfy me - it's too cliche. Take what you want to say, and try showing us your thoughts with your words, instead of telling us.

I see what you're saying here, but try saying it in specific, picturesque ways. 'You're happy when he lies', for example: I think it would be more effective to use an action to convey happiness, instead of just saying 'happiness.' With poetry, you want vibrant language, and to say things in a way one would ordinarily not think of - show, don't tell.

It seems like you're forcing the rhyme. There's nothing wrong with rhyming, as long as it works toward the end of the poem, and is not an end itself. Some of the words could use a little more vitality. Instead of 'laughed a lot' and 'deep and still', try being more descriptive and more specific.

I do like the internal rhyme of line 3. The silence as a silver blade seems a bit cliche. Very short piece, but to the point. I think it could use some more voluptuous word choices - the idea is there, it just needs more color, if you will. Maybe even consider another stanza or a few more lines to give yourself more space to spell it out.

I like the idea. I think you should expand it and add some specific instances (i.e. how does 'you' fill 'me' up with 'living'?). Show the reader what you mean; engage the reader. You can still be brief if you use economical word choices/descriptions. The comma at the end of second-to-last line isn't necessary, is grammatically incorrect, and kind of bothered me.

The poem, ironically, has a very warm feel. The language is a bit archaic (e.g. adjectives after nouns instead of before) - not necessarily a bad thing if that's your intention. One thing that might help bring this to life is some specific description of the memories. Tell us something about Daddy, so we know who you're talking to. It's a nice poem - very personal and authentic; specifics will make it more so.

Interesting. Until halfway thru, I way expecting some cutting. The poem is titled 'recovery,' and it seems to imply a perpetual nature to this thing you must 'recover' from - like a daily dose of peace to cure the loneliness, irritability, etc. from a long day. The meter is fairly regular, but I think it limits the poem. It sounds kind of inauthentic/jingly when I read it. I think you could do better with a free verse and tell us more about the problem, the feelings, etc. Bring the reader int...

The form is interesting; I think I'd keep that - /'s as if it's being quoted in another text. The U's & Ur's can work - almost gives the feeling of text messaging - but don;t overdo it - i think 'kno' is going a bit far. Could use more specifics - who is s/he, who is the speaker, etc. Also, I'd replace things like 'Got ur name on my heart' with non-cliches.