jenbabe4198's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Detroit, MI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 19
LOC: Detroit, MI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 19
English: a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages & rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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Dear Reader, I come to you today to give my humbly authoritative knowledge on the race of Homo sapiens that is so dearly called writers. It is in my experience that while writers share an unrealistically high self image, not all acquire and display it in the same ways. As I have so painstakingly done research for many years I have come to the conclusion that no one else should suffer such as I have. So it is my great pleasure to introduce you to the knowledge of distinguishing the right write...
Version 2
0 Reviews
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An even shade of dark blue took over the sky where the clouds covered the stars. When there were no more clouds it instantly became black. The color shift intrigued me, so I stood in the cold air staring up even though I hated the feel of Michigan’s winter. I’d give anything to be anywhere but here, I prayed. The stress of the day was fading as I walked to Halle Library for study tables. Just one and a half more hours and then I’m done. Then I can go to sleep…and do it all over again tomorrow...
Version 1
15 Reviews
0 Comments
This is my fish, Avon thought. It’s mine and no one else’s. That means I’m going to take care of it and feed it and love it, because it’s my fish. My fish means no one else can touch it or play with it or even see it, because it’s mine. Walking back from his middle school’s carnival, Avon was clutching a plastic bag with a small goldfish in his pudgy, little hand and shaking with excitement. He kept thinking. His plan was to keep it forever as his goldfish and no one else’s. It’s mine. This i...
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
"Have you ever felt like a complete failure?" "No. Why do you ask?" "Every day at crew practice i feel like a failure." "Why's that?" "I'm not as fast as the other girls, and I'm definately not as strong. During the warm up run, I'm always the last to finish, which makes me feel bad in the boat. It always feels like the other girls are giving me dirty looks, even the ones that are encouraging me and telling me that I'm doing a good job." "Do you think you're doing a good job?" "I feel like I'...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Cast THIEF OFFICER Time: present day Place: a police interrogation room (A middle aged man –THIEF – and young female police officer – OFFICER – are sitting at a gray table in a dimly lighted room, facing each other.) Thief: You don’t know me. You don’t know anything. Officer: Well how about you tell me. Thief: You couldn’t understand. Officer: Try me. Thief: You don’t know me. You don’t know anything. Officer: Please, sir, just tell me what happened before… Thief: Before what? Before things g...
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Some proofreading things I came across were: 1. It should be 'My family was seeking' instead of 'My family were seeking'. 2. You misspelled jewelry. 3. Everything after 'My life was split' should be in one paragraph. Other than that this piece set the mood that you didn't like where you were, whather it be in or out of Sweden. If you did enjoy your time in Sweden, then a lighter tone would be needed.
0.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
I'm a sucker for details because I love to see things as I read and you know how to work with detail well. However when you said "the soft breeze blew through my luxurious long, brown hair" I got caught up in wondering what the character looked like fully and the next few sentences back lost in my mind. If you describe the character, describe her fully, otherwise just leave it at hair. Also, the word 'dumber' doesn't exist & even if it did it doesn't sound like something the character would s...
For the hell of it, I'm sure you could add more to this piece to make it even more entertaining. For example, define the different kinds of nerds (your friends), tell us what they like, what they don't like, how they dress, how they act. You say no two nerds are alike, so point out their differences, yet tell us what unifies them...that is if you feel like continuing with this piece. Also, I enjoyed the lines "A nerd craze is sweeping the nation in film and literature. They’re all the rage, a...
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