joancrown's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Richmond, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 09
LOC: Richmond, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 09
I’m a writer without a direction. I have many stories which I consider romanticized memoir. But don’t worry; I’m not some James Frey (I loved reading his stuff, even the 20% Oprah was pissed about) who won’t admit it’s not all accurate. The premise of each story is true, but to make it funny, I have to stretch it in different directions. I’ve been told I’m a “female David Sedaris” and a “Twisted Erma Bombeck.” I’ll take either compliment. I read my stories at a happy hour every Friday and I draw a crowd. It’s impromptu and fun. I think I’m ready for the next step. The picture, by the way, is my sonny and me, Cher, at halloween. See? It’s funny stuff.
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My child I see such potential in you. Your laugh, genuine as prayer, it makes me smile with my whole body my whole being. The mother in me waited for you and she was born in you she came into me for you and now I cannot remember who I was before. At two you toddled into the road. My heart froze, but my body reacted. Oh, my God, I ran I snatched you back and spanked you soundly. Your tears your cry-- I've never known my heart to break and leak such joy til that moment. Even now, in remembrance...
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I am reaching out-- a great sinewy stretch. Muscle, tendon, bone work in concert. Love has great efficiency at times and yet, when you least expect it eternities pass as days and stretch, you will-- til muscles fail and tendons falter and bones become brittle with passing time. A lack of nourishment will effect love surely as bones will crumble. You must feed it tend it nurture it and efficiency will return. Healing will occur and we will forget the famine.
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7 Reviews
6 Comments
Childbirth sucks. Oh, I don’t mean the actual birth, itself. The first moment you hear your child’s cry, the second in which you first gaze upon him—a tiny life you brought into the world after nineteen hours of excruciating labor because you had to prove to the world you could handle it and wanted to win a stupid ten-year-old bet because your idiot brother got mad when you told everyone that he cried like a baby when his girlfriend dumped him, so he bet you that despite your cold heart, you...
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9 Reviews
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I sympathize with circus clowns. In fact, when I was only nine, I was a circus clown (for a short while… sorta). I know that it’s bad form to constantly blame one’s parents for all of life’s miseries, and I do not intend, either, to offend the local 242: United Brotherhood of Circus Clowns -- God only knows the types of revenge they’d reek! I have enough stains on my carpets—have you ever tried to get pie filling out of berber? However, my father is at the root of a debilitating clown phobia...
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11 Reviews
10 Comments
My forehead aches! O’ Jupiter you have learned the pain of birth. Minerva has sprung fully into these lines— pen to paper waging war on words with shield and sword— An epic battle! The fight of the poet bravely forging forward in a world unaccepting of her noble incautious path.
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Not so sure why it's humor.. it's actually more of a sweet, sentimental piece, if you ask me. The turn on making mountains into molehills is cute (but I think "in to" - 2 words). You kind of lack a parallel structure here... both in form and content. Have you considered making a narrative? Expanding into a story about Nixee (even in poetic form).
I'm interested in the lack of punctuation in most of the poem, yet used in other conventional ways....wondering why you didn't go all or nothing here. It has an almost twisted nursery rhyme tone. Enjoy the social criticism, and wonder if I live in the wrong part of the world to totally get it. Let me know if you'd like to work on mechanical issues. Message me.
For the sake of critique, some grammar to consider: Let's begin, shall we? Let's be honest here; wasn't it... Why the heading, "Your Piece!" Exclamation, really? ... all 10’s or 9’s. or 8’s or a mixture of the three? <-- do something about that period- and I think the 10s, 9s, 8s is really the way to write it. Hahaha. LOL at begins w/ S, ends w/ P. Too funny. Nice line. Information is good- ex: I never knew about the 300 words. Your humor embedded w/ workable knowledge, you're like a littl...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Gramatically: paragraph 2, don't capitalize "he" in HE said roughly. Also, para.3. no semicolon. Use a comma instead. #4: if she WAS some kind of psycho. #8: free to talk," she said. Verb tense shift in # 15- should provide her the experience-- maybe"would" is a better choice. OK, as for content, intriguing. I am very interested to see how you work this out. Really, it could be fleshed out into a novel sized comitment...so much for flash fiction. What if you allowed him to see what had happen...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Hahahaha. I even like your notes to the reviewer, the "it if has been said by another..." part. I thought THATwas the quote at first. As for the quote, itself, clever, if macabre. Gramatically sound. Apropos. Good on you.
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