“What about the night at Neal’s? I missed the doctor’s appointment.” Janie could see the confusion in his eyes. Honey you hadn’t been to Neal’s since before the funeral, or anywhere else for that matter. I did have a doctor’s appointment the day you became catatonic. She didn’t want to mention the final naked breakdown. “You wouldn’t talk or move, and that’s how you’ve been since. It’s been two months. I was so scar...
Spring came with it’s intermittent summer like weather, mixed with thunderstorms and sometimes torrential rainfall. Jonah continued living sparsely, but was still taking generally good care of himself. There hadn’t been a full blown episode since the night the man was in his room. (Whom he was convinced was Malcolm Crowley). He knew it didn’t make any sense. Malcolm wasn’t dead, so how could he be haunting him? There had been...
The school bus always let the kids out at the end of the road, or the beginning, depending on which way you were traveling. It was a dead end and the bus had nowhere to turn around. Some of the kids were older than Timmy Burgess, who was eight, some were younger. All together there were a half a dozen kids that lived on the street. There were a few houses close to the bus stop end of the street, but mostly there were mobile homes, or trailers as people called them back then. It was th...
Spectacle (River of Confusion) I The night turns pages in my mind. Everything that is beautiful is light. Soars--Eagles fly, and the world passes by in the twinkle in your eye. Tomorrow is always waiting for today to catch up. Greatness waits for no one. The lonely dog wale’s. The lonely boat sails. The cat chases it’s tail. Alive is the dawning of spring, and Lily’s in the field. Lily’s in her bed, with a beautiful head full of God, whom she just met in her dreams. An...
A person might imagine that the night before the most horrific day of their life, there would be some sense of foreboding, maybe a premonition, but Jonah sensed nothing as he sat staring out the window of his cramped home office. He was supposed to be writing his great American novel, but all he could think about was his wife announcing that she was pregnant. They had waited a long time to get pregnant. Jonah was thirty two and his wife Jane was twenty eight. They had met in high school, but ...
This is a good piece, showcasing a relatively unknown artist. (At least I think he is) It makes me want to know more about him. Very articulate. There is a typo in the last sentence, but overall very clean. Good work.
This is really a great idea, and the story kept me reading and wanting to know what happened next. This is a story that could be expounded upon in many different ways, so you might consider staying with the idea. An idea this big, is hard to write as a short story. I only really have one critique and it has to do with your dialogue. You might want to be careful writing...he said, she said, he said, she said.... and experiment with different things such as; he responded, and sometimes you don'...
I think this is a great start. You seem to have a good command of the language, and Garrien is going to be an interesting character. This story reminds me of the Eragon stories. Be careful with originality. But, this is a great start. Keep it up.
I really like the overall idea of this poem. Dreams do take work and need to be nurtured. The imagery is great. It's kind of short though. I would have liked to seen you expound on the idea more.