Now this is a supremely interesting excerpt. I am particularly intrigued by the character of Zack. I wish I had more of a background to give me a deeper insight into the characters. Nonetheless, I have faith in this piece and I think it has legs. I think my scores above will give you a good indication of the relative strengths and weaknesses of the piece. Good luck.

The characters are endearing and this is actually quite a publishable piece. Problem is, there is always a difference between what is commercially viable and critically compelling. Randall is indeed a fascinating character but I'm afraid he is a bit too derivative of the classic archetype to suit my taste. Have you ever read The Wretched Unraveling of Morosity by Tchietve? I think it may speak to this point in greater color. The choice of the martial artist is indeed a masterful stroke and I ...