This page is part of the portfolio of urbis user justinmicheal, which lists reviews they have completed which have been revealed.
Reviews
Well if it were permanent it would not change. Are you talking about dropping acid?
I like the "don't ask Don't tell policy. When it came to skipping school, we all had that place we could go. You tell you story well, is it based on personal events? I wouldn't forsee it being so descriptive in the wayit could only be described as if you lived it compared to fiction. Even though this is the first chapter of your book I would change the catorgory from sci fi/ fantasy to a short story. I can feel what you've gone through to make ends meet under circumstances not everone has had...
Personally there's to much repition. This only touches the skin, needs to be deepend to grab and hold the audience, Yes you can sing this but will they listen? This is not the same as I was yesterday, ask yourself what does this mean what are you trying to tell people with this statement. It's a little confusing. You know you love this girl, so why would you need to know which way you should go, I don't think love plays in this role sounds more like an obsession unless that is your goal.
777 everything meant with good spirits. To start off "neat things off my favorite tree"give it more description like eggs for easter lights for christmas treats and tricks for halloween or add poetics by switching the holidays ending with halloween/ favorite tree. "october is my favorite month of the year, it's much better than monday" I absolutly love this line. "the sun woke up,and I slept okay" great wording. typo-(then she puts goes to her jewelry) A child grasping the moment is priceless...
Splendid imagery. However I think this would flow better if you didn't use so many filler words. For example: "The monstrous web of horrors opens eyes that haven’t seen the icy fingers seeking unimaginable things." Monstrous web of horrors opens, eyes haven't seen, icy fingers seeking, unimaginable things! I'd say with A little tweaking that you could truly turn this into a remarkable poem. If you any questions just ask.
quite the abstract nursury rhyhme wasn't prepared for the little mind trip Thank you for writing, reminds me of "Waiting for Godot"
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