kaptainkranium's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Welches, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 15
LOC: Welches, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 15
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
There he was, just on the other side of that river, running smoothe and fast with the power of a winter's rains and the melted snowpack of untold tons of ice, it's clear and smooth surface masking the respect with which it should be reckoned. "Watch out, it's pretty strong right here" I inched forward taking it slow and easy. The water was freezing and I was warm, and really didn't feel like getting wet just yet. About three quarters of the way across I lost my footing. I was ...
Version 1
7 Reviews
2 Comments
The sound of horns,one great long unsettling note rose into the air and echoed off the mountain walls, announcing our closeness. Silence. An echoe. The drumming began. A deep, slow paced rythmic thudding driving us to move on. We climbed, we crawled. Bloodied knuckles scraped against cold unforgiving stone and wet moss, mud. The drumming persisted. My legs cramped, my lungs burned, the rope cut into my neck as it pulled us along, driven by that persistant drumming. Every so often the dark men...
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Reviews
Ooh, first off, I loved the line "with all the promise of an avalanche". I like that this poem is short and, efficient? Although I would expect such a short piece to have a more pronounced feeling to it. the last word being "Finally", gives me the sense that you are welcoming death, or release, if you will, from any number of things. I think this could be more effective if you conveyed the feeling of being trapped prior to this? Perhaps this manifested itself in the elevator, a small metallic...
I think the best thing you established here was the mood. Having had my fair share of drug-related experiences, I would venture to guess that you have too. You really captured the sense of confusion and insecurity and dysfunction that appears when you find yourself asking why things are so different, and why did you come to that place in the first place. It made it more nightmarish and real when the effects of this addiction were shown on wider society. I feel like your ending left me wanting...
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