kelmo's profile

I like the honesty of these lyrics - the language sounds natural. I like the line "I'm running low" because it makes me think of a car running low on gas - but the fact that you can't get to sleep is like a perpetual state of slowing down, never stopping. I also like "It creeps me to the bones" because it just sounds like natural speech and the idea of a love that "stands like a wall." You might want to expand on some of these ideas - the changing of topics feels a little abrupt. Overall I wa...

I'm not sure if I agree with the statement but it definitely made me think. Does inspiration trigger imagination? Or is the essence of imagination self-generated?

This poem feels very honest and real. The words aren't trying to be poetic just for the sake of being poetic. The first line caught my attention - immediately established a physical sense of suffocation and entrapment. I also liked these lines: "Self-inflicted wounds mimic an autopsy" - seemed like a physical metaphor for self-exploration. "Her body is shaking and she doesn’t understand why." - This line just felt real and I could relate to that sense of panic and loss of control. "She’s brok...

I think you did a nice job breaking up the stanzas - the way you transition from one to the next with leading words like "followed/into." However this flow of phrases started to feel like a run-on sentence and I would break it up with some punctuation - let the reader pause for a second and enjoy what's been said so far. The first place I wanted to pause was after "into the garden labyrinth." Then after "wall-flower modems." You have some really beautiful artistic imagery and language in the ...

Reading this poem I felt like I was trying to solve a math problem. There are very few words which I think can make for a very strong poem - however I struggled to put these words together in a way that made sense. I really appreciated some of the phrases you put together - like "feeding steamed greed greens" (though a bit of a tongue twister - maybe get rid of "greens"?) and "moral fillets." I think you could really stick with the theme of food to give the words a more united feel. You might...