This type of writing reminds me of Dr. Seuss but with a deeper and darker subject matter. "Don’t look down on those who are starting to fall, A big consequence can result from a kind act, even some very small." This is very true. It made me think of the abandoned child in the poem and maybe how you might try to help him on some level. Losing a loved one at so early an age can and will affect his life for many years to come. I hope if this was based on a real event that the child gets a little...

The visual impact and overall imagery of the island is stunning. The first paragraph sets the mood for the rest of the story. I could actually see the sands and the moon glowing above the two lovers. The shadows' embracing was strang and could have been extrapolated on a bit further. The second paragragh finds strength in the lines go into detail about the man's heart. It was a visual that I was not use to seeing because I don't normally read romance. However, the "rhythmic beating" and the l...

This is an amazing analysis of writer's block. I love the part when you say "Trapped in my prison of a mind Like a man on death row who proclaims his innocence." We often feel like this when the muse or higher power or whatever you call it takes a break and leaves us to our own mechanizations and spontaneous feelings and thoughts or in some case the lack of such thoughts. "My words are my closest friends" is a potent line because it shows the reader the true relationship that the writer has w...

This poem was refreshing. It played through like a perfect little song. "Remember his last wish was to expire with perfect plastic teeth Those shining eyes could only be described as terminal fireballs" This imagery was very unique. I actually pictured this in my mind. "Heaven does not kick in until you’re dead Radio on the wall I am tired of poets Give me history." Powerful ending. The personal perspective of Heaven is an insight into the mind of the poet.

I understood most of the poem except for the very end. The "Small grains of earth becomes timeless." is an intriguing image and prose but I am wondering where these "grains of earth" are coming from and why are they timeless? This is great because it causes me and other readers to think. I thought of an hour glass and the sands of time running on forever. Maybe the answer will become clearer when I read it again? Thanks for making me think.

For your age this is an excellent piece of writing, in fact, it is better than some of the other work that I have seen some older members of this site write. It has a Harry Potter-like setting and atmosphere but without the magic. I like the first person perspective and the choice of names were interesting... Jet Black and a girl named Rose... it has potential. Only one problem I had with the wording is in this line "She looks like your classic grandma, except she kind of has the faint air of...

I love the theatre too! There is something magical about the performances. People don't realize how powerful the affects of the theatre on society. Before tv and movies the theatre was the venue that controlled the social borders and more often pushed them with controversial ideas and subject matter. The very norms of our social acceptance were established by the theatre in both modern and ancient times. The simplicity of your poem gives it a complexity that is hard to put into words. In othe...

All of the images are powerful although I had to keep rereading the poem to understand the context of this relationship gone bad. I was impressed by the visual content and liked the lines "Sardonically he bleeds pathogen thru his song:" and "Will she cast the third stone into the fiery pits of tomorrow? Is this hollow pebble that rambles in her shoe worth fighting another regardless war for more sorrow" These lines reveal the hopeless feelings that one gets when not sure of what the future ho...

At first I was confused on the timeline but it made sense as I read. Initially it seemed pre 911 because of the officials lack of concern towards serious threats like Osama Bin Ladin. The detail to military procedure is excellent... I learned from it and I am assuming that the writer has a military background or knows someone who does. The names Condor and Chief are often over used in military stories but that adds to the reality of the piece. I would have preferred the use of fictional chara...

At times I found this a bit harsh especially because I too fall into that "death list" however you make a strong point that we are here to learn and take criticism. I know that I am a part of the 99% that makes all those mistakes but sometimes you have to make the mistakes (even you admit it) to become a better writer. I wish that I had someone whispering in my ear those precious secrets when I started to write but that would deter the process of exploring the text created by numerous writers...