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kjatt's profile
AGE:
13
LOC: Ashland, MA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LOC: Ashland, MA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
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Version 1
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"Tommy Fontaine is nothing but touble," said Suzie Frit's father. "Come on Daddy, he's a really nice boy!" Suzie pleaded. Old Ed Frit was an up-tight no nonsense type of fellow, and was very much displeased by his daughter's friendship with this neusence of a boy. "Suzie, my word is final. No more hanging around with Tom. He is up to no good, and you do not need that kind of influence! That boy...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Middle School in One Moment Greg suddenly looked up as this humble beauty entered the room. Oh my God I need to bang that chick All day he couldn't stop thinking of her light blonde hair, and her mysterious hazel eyes. The way she stumbled into a conversation with a gorgeous smile made his heart melt. As she approached, Greg started to wonder if she was walking towards him. Holy shit. She's coming to me. "Hey Greg! I missed you over the summer, what's up?" She said in her cute petit...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
As her chestnut brown eyes glistened over and rolled back into her skull, I stared blankly down at this once incredible woman. I now noticed the gracefullness of her shape, and it seemed as though if anything so much as touched her, she would crumple. This is when the regret came. What if.. What if.. No. I couldn't let myself come to tears. I blinked a few times and then sat on the ground. I stared at the magnificent beauty in front of me. She was actually quite pretty, wha...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
A sudden flash of envy became clear upon her youthful eyes. It wasn't clear until now that she, of all people, was in love with the man I call mine. My wedding day grew nearer as the clock ticked similtaneously with the beating of my heart. He was, is, the one. As I searched for my destination of matrimony, she eyed me from the corner of my bedroom. It was like the satin burning in her eyes was now sprawled...
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a very good overall piece of literature no critiques over all very well written
over all a very captivating read.my one critique is when it says "she had got out of bed" im pretty sure that its 'she had gotten'. actually one of the better reads on this site. well done.
over all i think that it was fairly good storyhowever, at the beginning when it says "paided" it should be paid also, you use the words "trucker" and "truck" too often, and you might want to use some more varied vocabulary. the same for the word "crack"
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