kongming's profile

good stuff so far

good stuff so far

This is a pretty great story so far. It catches the reader's interest almost immediately (well, mine). The description is top-notch and creative, not your run-of-the mill telling instead of showing. On first read, when the LOL paramilitaries show up it seems a bit confusing. Looking back at it I would prefer a slower build up to this action. The whole thing is amusing, especially your use of unconventional exposition. The reader gets a real feel for the characters and the situation and it's e...

And interesting way of adding a picturesque "landscape" to the idea that you can't know someone as fully as yourself but as time passes you end up knowing that person more than you know yourself. I'd drop the question at the end though

"with mute gravitation." that's a damn good line "etch tree flesh anew" and that has great assonance and consonance at the same time. pretty hard to get right. And you do seem to hover around the feel of compressed metaphor which I like. I, therefore, have decided to post my own compressed metaphor little diddy.