kumorishokkou's profile
AGE:
14
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 10
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 10
I am the True Shokkou. Soon I will be a world reknowned child author.
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He flew into the air and on top of the skyscraper. He did not know why he was running if he knew his fate. "Kumori stop, you have broken the Holy Law of the Shokkou. Face your execution honorably", a voice cryed out from behind. How could she be the one to kill him? This is a cruel twist of irony. His true love be the one to kill him. I wonder, he thought to himself. If I hadn't tried to escape this fate by turning evil and twisting my values, would anything be different?What did it...
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Eliminate all who stand in our way; Hooray-Hooray, it is the Final Day; Burn everything in sight is how we play; Hooray-Hooray, it is the Final Day; Destroy the others that's what we'll do; Nothing is what the others can do; No one knows of our plan to coup; Nothing is what the others can do; We rule the world, it's the Final Day; Victory is ours, Hip-hip-hooray.
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"Wha... What are you?", the criminal shrieked. "Well, some call us bandits. Others call us terrorists. But we, we call ourselves revolutionaries.", Kumori replied, " So prepare to die villain, for your acts are a crime against our new world. In the name of the Shokkou, DIE!!!!!" Kumori obliterated the criminals body sending it into the black oblivion of time. "It is time we show the world we mean business. In the name of ...
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Version 1
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"Heh heh heh heh heh.", the creature spoke, "Are you ready to die you pathetic fool? Did you actually think you defeat an immortal Chaos of the Court? "Wha... What are you?", the man spoke. By now his body was bleeding heavily, trickling out of his mouth, and down his neck. Whatever this thing was, it was much more powerful than any human or........ demon. The past two days began to flash before him. Only at noon yesterday had he stopped to rest in this long for...
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"I AM THE KUMORI SHOKKOU!", Kumori began to shout, "NONE SHALL DEFY ME. NO ONE." He had just lost a battle the Hunters. "THAT ACT OF PATHETIC FIGHTING IS TREASON AS LONG AS I AM LEADER!", he said shouting at the top of his lungs. "But Kumori," the Shokkou of Light began to say, "we did the best we could. They just outnumbered us greatly this time.&qu...
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The first and main problem with this quote, is that it is more along the lines of a free-verse poem. Second of all, what lesson comes out of this in the first place. You talk about how you wish you could go back to being five. How would that help out the world at all, if everyone was five. I'm not saying that segregation and racism are a good thing, but how could we appreciate normal people who aren't racist? How could we look for the big picture in life if we were all five again?
You have the format down and the title matches the words good enough. I think the word anchored seems out of place next to drifting. If a ship is anchored then it cannot drift, so that doesn't make much sense. The rest of it is really well. I would have to read more haikus and poems of yours in order to judge if you should be published.
Here are the problems with this haiku: A: The word format for a haiku is 5 words, 7 words, 5 words. B: The phrases you chose don't match up with the title. You talked about heavy breathing, fire, and words writting upon the earth. C: "writ" is not a word. Instead you should have typed "write" or "written"
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