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lalajen's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 03
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 03
i have a muse, i am interested in white lies and simple stuff vs. complexities, i drink a lot of tea, i write poems in my dreams and forget them when i wake up, i am honest but not good at keeping secrets, i actually like the taste of Evian water, i often try not to lose faith, i like shoes, i like bangles that make clinking noises when i move my wrist, i want a pony
i live and work in Melbourne, Australia and write in the spaces between everything else
for more of my writing, please go to http://spaces.msn.com/newyorkinwinter/ or http://www.myspace.com/newyorkinwinter
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i have nothing for comfort here, no trinkets or lies there are no words, nothing works but the grey in your eyes my faith has nothing to stand on, solidity dies i keep wanting to fly but get stuck in the clouds every time you ask me to try...oh... there is not enough comfort to land and you want to have it all you can kiss me again and again but i see no place to fall under your simple hands is my love turned shy loosely tacking us together growing quiet through all this the time console me n...
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i do not mean to leave my mark on your fridge or in your space the illusion of image wrapped in your sheets is just a darker shade to hide the imperfect in a t-shirt, in heels, in pigtails, in love in nothing that matters but wanting to be in your thoughts all properly dressed for you to messy me up again i wear earrings with words on them that i will never be you are mistaking insecurity for vanity mirrors only distract me because i do not always see so clearly and cannot bottle the looks th...
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I told you not to miss me and do not think of me brush away the memory of me from your skin clear your hands of what they have held empty your mouth of those sweet words and wipe at the smiles until they fade and blur from your lips I told you not to now let my hair slide slowly across your forearm away the ends so final let this embrace be our last and do not linger so close to me I told you I don't know do not pull me towards you again your wrist against the small of my back I will not allo...
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close your eyes and half smile in that way that you do one side of your neck offered to the sheets and one side stretching for me to lick those bracelets all on one wrist like medals of conquests and troubles clinking over and over as your hands do their work paparazzi in the dim light click, click, click my small tongue making you shiver whilst we melt and sweat puddles between our skins i'd take you somewhere pretentious and you could take me anywhere ...but all those tickets marking pages ...
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my love, in eden without me the girl with no name was with him that night plundering his garden with weeds and seeds oh how i would dirty my hands for the secret looks he gives to her instead of me my love, her faceless image is now planted growing slowly inside green, green parts of me illusory comparisons in the pining hours watery eyes as the heavens burst forth to cultivate this longing shhh, shhh quietly he steals, listen to the breaking venom runs in deep circles in his irises and he wi...
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'Over, is it, is it really?' - definitely the stand out line...you know why? Because it's not trying too hard, it's so honest and it's so exactly how it feels. By the way...i don't like the use of exclamation marks on the end of the poem...kind of sounds like you're yelling...and a double exclamtion mark is just unnecessary. If you've written the right words they should have the correct tone without an exclamation mark (which i think sets the wrong tone here anyway...the poem is a downer, it'...
I would have liked this piece to be much, much more descriptive about your surrounds - exactly why was it that you couldn't sleep? What kind of noises were there? What were you sleeping on? What can you see? What are you thinking about? This is all interesting stuff to people who haven't been where you have and i think you should draw on those experiences in your writing. I did particularly like the last line though - 'another lost night'.
Hmmm, bitter? Not much! I think there's some really good stuff in here...'telescopic words'...i really like that and 'wars waged over whores' is fantastic. If i were you though, i would try to avoid cliches wherever possible eg. 'wings of a fallen angel'. The whole fallen angel thing has been done and you are a good enough writer to make up new terms amd concepts of your own that are equally as meaningful and probably more cutting and effective. I like your style. Nothing like angst and relat...
'Crush with a fist what tears me apart.' These are the weakest lines in your piece - they seem to take it a little off track - you need to really stick to the point which is when you meet someone new, you seem to forget your freinds. 'freinds grow dim' is a good way of describing this and it happens to everyone. I want to hear more about it though. Why is it happening? How do they grow dim? What are the things you lose focus of? Why does he affect you so much? I'd also like to see you explore...
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