lambo's profile

lambo avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 31

Hey hey,

so I’m a sort of poet/storyteller.  well i used to write just poetry but i’m trying to push storytelling to make it towards a novel-like situation…

love to read you all’s stuff; hope you enjoy some of mine.  all feedback is welcome.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Novel Treatments / Firstly Kissing Alex
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Alex came running back from the house, fleeing the brightness of the garden lights and slinking into the bushy darkness where David lay waiting for her in the long grass. She had chosen a fantastic spot behind and under the long dropping curtains of a luscious willow tree and as he sat up to smile at her she knelt beside him, beaming, and handed him a glass. ‘I told you I’d be right back.’ ‘You did.’ He took a sip and she drank from hers, watching him easily, lightly. The orange juice failed ...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / David's photos
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
The first picture was of Harvard stadium during David’s last Harvard-Yale fixture as a student. In the stands thousands of pale faces blanketed the thick stone steps, the only gaps in the packed arena being the staircases that ran forming rivulets through the crowds. Along the sideline in view stood white line that was the Yale team, shoulder to shoulder. And on the pitch between the hatched red end zone and the enormous midfield ‘H’, stood the two teams at scrimmage. The white of Yale was sp...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Knowledge of Joan
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I would imagine we’d walk together in historic fields on the edge of the wood. The day would be beauty. The sun would be so bright, her dress so simple, so white, trailing longingly across the wistful grass. And she would smile at me as we talked, a long, joyous smile, full of the ease and splendor of the love of the ages. She would draw her hands waif-like through flourishing ferns and, through the orchestration of the oak leaves, the filtered sunlight would dance, carrying the floating seed...
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Novel Treatments / Leicester Square girl
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
David was not entirely sure that he wanted to be doing this tonight. There were often nights when he was on the borderline and this was definitely one of them. The vicious summer had come to an early-August lull and a fine drizzle was floating through the night. While getting ready, he had watched Thomas silently preparing his camera; checking the footage position, carefully wiping the lens, brushing some lint from the joins of the sleek panels. He warmed as he watched Thomas cradle his instr...
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Novel Treatments / Tube girl cont.
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
The reunion was taking place in Revolution a slightly garish franchise bar at the other end of the High Street, but David had headed without hesitation into So.UK, one of his favorite spots in the city. It was a dark bar, lit by numerous candles lining the walls and tables. Immediately in the door was an open floor with soft low armchairs and small round tables. This floor narrowed off to a long bar opposite which sat thick brown couches. The corridor this formed led to a small dance floor an...
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Reviews
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Short Story / Teardrops
I really like bits of this and like what you're doing. The main thing that I think you could polish up is the fact that the style changes quite a bit... the first sentence is really good because it's simpe but powerful, bringing you straight into the story. the next paragraph is a bit more convoluted, with bits of detail that seem a bit forced. then you go back to simple again... I think if you kept the whole story in the simple style that you use for most of it it would read better... either...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I don't like reviewing these because as they're so short the detail has to be so tight and so reviews seem overly cruel. I'm not being deliberately harsh, it's just so magnified. What I don't like about this is the phrase "cleaning up"... it seems too simple to me in contrast to the vast concept of tidying a father's mistakes, if you know what I mean? I hope this is helpful, I don't mean it to be harsh!
Short Story / Dinner in the District
I like this. I have a few stylistic critiques. Firstly, for a short story you spend a lot of time preparing the characters and not much time using them if you know what I mean? Virgil (good name) obviously has the least preparation and yet has the most impact. Secondly the white/black divide is a bit assumed, a little more concrete and stereotyped than it needs to be. And the knowledge of many things in the story assumes prior knowledge... like watching the Skins in the National... if you don...
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ITEMS (2)

 

Short Story / The New Gods

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