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leanne's profile
AGE:
40
LOC: San Antonio, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 30
LOC: San Antonio, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 30
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I stared at him across the fire. It flickered like a strobe light across the scene of him and a red headed cheerleader named Ariel. oh how original. Destine thought. Leave it up to some suburban socialite to name her redheaded daughter something as predictable as Ariel. He was gorgeous. simply stunning in his tight jeans and t- shirt. his dark hair glistening in the fire light. it should be illegal to be that good looking and that stupid. I thought with a smirk on my face. I got up, and grabb...
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Version 1
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I stared at him across the fire. It flickered like a strobe light across the scene of him and a red headed cheerleader named ariel. oh how original. Destine thought. Leave it up to some suburban socialite to name her redheaded daughter something as predictable as Ariel. He was gorgeous. simply stunning in his tight jeans and tshirt. his dark hair glistening in the fire light. it should be illegal to be that good looking and that stupid. I thought with a smirk on my face. I got up, and ...
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very sweet and straight forward. I am old fashioned romantic though and like the flowers and butterfly swoon approach, but at the same time this seems to be the message of how much someone loves someone else. Not sure why it would be a sin to profess your love for someone, I am thinking maybe there is something else going on in the persons mind that could have to do with sinning. Overall I thought the poem was cute and I liked it.
Normally I would rather read something more contemporary, but honestly I got really wrapped up in the characters and the story line. I loved this and would love to read more. I got so involved in the story that I did not even look at your grammer. You asked specific questions in the beginning, and now I will attempt to answer them to the best of my ability. "NOTES FOR REVIEWER I know this needs work, I’m at a point where it is difficult for me to find my own errors. I want to know if this flo...
Your writing sucked me in. I really enjoyed the beginning of the story. i wish that you could have interwined the first part with the second part more. I like the second part too but was confused with all the names and who they were. I felt like i was listening in to a strangers conversation though as apposed to feeling in the story. I cannot find the romance of this story though. at least not so far as you have written it. It would be nice if you would do one more section of the book at leas...
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